


Lost More Than I Found

by breatheforher



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Definitely more angst, F/F, Hurts So Good, Most likely some future smut, maybe some fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-11 10:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11712756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatheforher/pseuds/breatheforher
Summary: Four years ago Waverly left Purgatory with a broken heart. Now she's forced to return to the small town. But will she be coming home or just visiting?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a fic for this amazing fandom that I'm so damn proud to be a part of. 
> 
> I have dreamt this fic. The scenes have played out in my mind while I've been at work. And while I'm not sure what direction it's going to take on, or how long it's going to go on for... I knew I needed to get the idea out of my head. 
> 
> I apologise now for all I'm about to put these characters through, but I hope you'll join me. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

** CHAPTER ONE **

 

 _God, Waverly, I would never ask you to be someone you're not_.   
  
It seemed so long ago that Waverly had had those words said to her. Those words that were meant to reassure her that she was enough. And they had. For the first time in her life, Waverly Earp had felt like she was enough. It didn't matter that she was just Waverly. In fact for the first time, Nicole made it feel more than ok that she was just Waverly.   
  
_When I think about what I want to do most in this world, its you_.   
  
Waverly moved through the almost empty bus as her own words filled her head. She picked a seat, third row from the back, and threw her bag into the overhead compartment before dropping down into the well worn padded seat. 

She wondered briefly how many of the other passengers had the same destination. But then who else would be going to Purgatory? It didn't scream holiday destination. It didn't really have anything to offer besides its small town charm and a red head with the greatest set of dimples any human being had ever had in the history of... Well, ever. Waverly rolled her eyes at herself. Where had that come from? It was true of course, but Waverly wasn't used to thinking that way anymore. In fact, it had taken her a long time but she had managed to push all memories of Nicole to the back of her mind, not even to be brought out on a rainy day.  And she was alright  with that. That chapter in her story was over and she didn't see the need to constantly go over every little detail. She didn't need to study their mistakes.

Only now,  she wasn't being given a choice. Purgatory was a small town, and there was a chance she would run into the red head. She wasn't sure she was ready for that. Small town or not,  there were a few places she could hide for a time at least. And she wasn't planning in staying long. She had a life to get back to. 

 _As long as you want me, I'll be by your side._  
  
It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to think about the red head, and as tears stung her eyes she was reminded of why. Nicole had made promises and in the end she had kept none of them. She had promised to be there for Waverly while she worked out who she was, but at the first sign of real trouble, she retreated into herself and pushed the brunette away. Waverly was used to being shoved aside and forgotten, but never imagined that Nicole would do it to her.   
  
Waverly had worked hard to put herself back together after her world crashed around her for the second time in her life. She had moved away from Purgatory and everything she knew and filled her days with anything and everything to keep her mind from wandering back to the life she left behind. But now, as the bus pulled out of the depot and started down the road, all those memories came rushing back.   
  
She was headed home to Purgatory after 4 years of keeping herself cut off from the ones she loved and everything she knew. She wondered how much the small town had changed, if it had changed.  

Waverly had wanted to reach out to them so many times when she'd first left. She'd even gotten to the point where she'd dialled their numbers but Waverly had hung up as soon as anyone answered. It was better to have no contact. It made it easier for her to start over. And start over she did.

She had some new friends, none of which knew about her past. Making friends had always come easily for Waverly, despite everything that came along with her surname, but she didn't see any reason to tell her new friends about the demons of her past, revenant and human alike. 

Waverly looked out the window and watched as the buildings slowly disappeared and turned into trees and open fields. An overwhelming feeling of dread filled her stomach and for a moment she thought she would be sick. She closed her eyes and shifted in her seat.

The brunette didn't think she'd ever go back to Purgatory. She hadn't wanted to. She'd made a new life and the small town and the people there were no longer part of her plan. But then she'd gotten an email from Wynonna telling her that Gus was sick and she knew it was time. 

Gus was one of the few people who had been there for Waverly when she'd needed someone. She'd taken her in when her daddy had been killed and she'd given her the stability and love that every six year old child needs. Waverly hadn't even considered the thought that she'd never see Gus again when she'd walked away from her life. She was angry at herself that she could be so selfish to someone who had given her so much hope. Waverly was who she was at her core partly because of Gus. Her love and encouragement had helped to shape her, keep her on the straight and narrow. It was only right that she return to Purgatory and be there for her aunt when in her time of need. Gus was a strong, resilient woman and Waverly hoped she wouldn't have to stay long.   
  
____________________________________________  
  
"What's up?" Nicole asked, without looking up from her notes. She could feel the brunettes eyes on her.   
  
"Nothing." she replied in the long drawn out way she does when something is definitely "up".  
  
"You're starring."   
  
"No, I'm not." Wynonna said defensively. She shifted in her chair and looked down at the mountain of paperwork in front of her.   
  
It was quiet in Purgatory since Wynonna broke the curse and she'd decided that she actually wanted to continue to help people. It was in her blood, and not just because she was the Earp Heir. It felt good to put the bad guys away and help the people of Purgatory, even though they'd never helped her. They'd turned their backs on her more times than she could count, but Wynonna grew up. 

Wynonna hated paperwork at the best of times. She wanted to be out cracking cases. Instead, she was stuck behind a desk dotting the I's and crossing the T's on cases that her and her partner had solved. Writing about it was definitely less fun than actually doing it. She picked up her pen, ready to write, but instead, she lifted her head to look across at Nicole. The red head was starring back at her, one eye brow raised. 

  
"So?" Nicole smirked.   
  
"OK. Ok. There is something I should-" Wynonna started.   
  
"Just tell me what you did this time, Wynonna. Do you need to copy my notes on our cases again?" Nicole grinned wider. It wouldn't be the first time that Wynonna forgot what had happened in the order it happened and needed Nicole to remind her. It certainly wouldn't be the last time.   
  
"No!" Wynonna screwed up her face as she shook her head.   
  
"Then what is it? I'm busy and you've got-"   
  
"Waverly is coming home." Wynonna interrupted and Nicole suddenly felt her mouth go dry. "She's coming home, Nicole."  
  
"Uh..." Nicole suddenly forgot how to speak.

It'd been 4 years, almost to the day since she'd seen Waverly, but not a day had passed that she hadn't thought about her. Wondered what she'd been doing, wished that things had been different. But things weren't different, and surely this wasn't going to change anything. Waverly wasn't coming back to Purgatory for her.

"Ok." Nicole, nodded softly and returned her attention to her notes.   
  
"Ok? Is that all you have to say?"   
  
"Yeah." standing, Nicole slowly nodded. "I'm gonna get some coffee."   
  
Wynonna watched her leave. She wasn't sure what reaction she expected from the red head, but that certainly wasn't it. She also wasn't sure what reaction to expect from Waverly. Hell, she wasn't sure what to expect from anyone. All she knew is that she missed her sister terribly and wanted her home. She needed her home.   
  
___________________________________________

  
Waverly was the last person on the bus, aside from the driver, when it pulled into the Purgatory bus station. She swung her bag over her shoulder as she stepped out of the bus. She sighed as she looked around at the empty station.   
  
Waverly knew better than to expect to see smiling faces waiting for her at the bus stop. Purgatory was a small town, it wasn't like she had far to go to the only motel the small town offered.

And besides, it's not like she left on the best of terms. She probably wouldn't have shown up either had roles been reversed. 

"Is that all you brought?" the voice interrupted her thoughts.

Waverly turned and looked at the older woman.  She was leaning against the door frame, arms folded across her chest. She was smiling.   
  
"Im not planning on sticking around for too long." Waverly stated. And it was true. Purgatory was her home growing up, but it wasn't home anymore. "I have wo-"   
  
The older woman cut her off as she stepped across the room and wrapped her arms around Waverly.   
  
"I missed you, baby girl." she whispered.   
  
"I missed you, too, Wynonna." Waverly felt herself melt into her sisters arms. It wasn't until that moment that she realised how much she'd missed Wynonna. 

Wynonna hadn't always been there for Waverly. She'd been gone more years than they'd spent together and Waverly was used to being without her. But the time they had spent together, building their relationship and growing closer, had been some of the best years of Waverley's life. And she missed those moments. She missed Wynonna. 

"So, how have you been?" Wynonna asked, pulling away slightly. Tightening her hold, Waverly pulled her back in. She wasn't ready to let go.   
  
Wynonna chuckled softly, and the shorter girl felt the vibration through her entire body.

Several moments passed while the sisters held each other in silence. Both women liked to believe that they were above letting their emotions get to them. They liked that the world saw them as strong women who could handle anything.

Wynonna channelled her emotions into her work. Her emotions helped her to be a better cop. Her upbringing had given her the kind of smarts that you don't get from books or from sitting down to a family meal every night. And even though she had so often longed for the latter, Wynonna was who she was because of her childhood.   
  
The sadness that Waverly felt made her more determined to keep pushing herself and searching for whatever it was that was missing. Every day she did something new, tried something new just to see if that would ease her heart. She knew that what she was searching for was her old self - when she found joy in every moment and put others before herself. And she knew that that was unattainable. Part of her had accepted that. The part of her that didn't want to put others first anymore. The part of her that longed to be selfish and do or take whatever she wanted, regardless of the cost. That part of her was partly what pushed her to leave Purgatory all those years ago. She'd been broken by the woman she loved and she knew that she would feel the need to fix things. She would see that Nicole was hurting too and want to hold her and wipe her tears away. But the red head no longer deserved that part of her. And Waverly knew that it would only hurt her more in the long run if she'd stayed.   
  
"I've been good." Waverly said, finally pulling away. "How have you been? How is Gus?"   
  
"I've been good, too. I'm a proper cop now." Wynonna stuck her chest out with pride.   
  
"No way! I always wondered what you wanted to do after the curse was broken." Waverly smiled up at her sister   
  
"And yet you never asked." It was true, Waverly hadn't asked. Truth is, she'd never imagined the curse would be broken.   
  
"I didn't think the curse would actually ever be broken." The shorter girl repeated her thought. 

It wasn't that she thought that Wynonna wasn't capable. It was that each revenant was worse than the one before.  They were unpredictable. They were cruel. But at the end of the day the Earp Heir was only human.  Regardless of how strong Waverly knew her sister to be, there was always a nagging fear in the back of her mind that perhaps the curse would get the better of Wynonna.   
  
"Ditto, baby girl." Wynonna smiled briefly. "So, why aren't you staying at the homestead?"   
  
"I just thought itd be easier. I wanted to be in town so I could spend time with Gus."  
  
"But not with me? I'm hurt!" Wynonna covered her heart and put on her best pained expression. Waverly chuckled softly.   
  
"Take me to her?" She Whispered.   
  
"Uh, I can't."

Waverley's face fell as her heart filled with fear. Had she left it too late? She'd left as soon as she'd  gotten word that Gus was sick, but maybe she wasn't quick enough.

Wynonna must have seen the fear and heartbreak in her eyes because she quickly added, "Visiting hours are over."   
  
Waverly sighed, relieved. Even though she'd watch the sun disappear and the sky darken, she hadn't realised how late it was.   
  
"Tomorrow then." she smiled.   
  
"Yup, you can definitely see Gus tomorrow." Wynonna smiled back. "Let's get you to the motel so you can rest. You're probably tired after the long journey. Where did you come from?"   
  
Because waverly hadn't kept in touch with anyone, everything about her new life was a mystery to Wynonna. She'd moved around a bit before she'd settled in Chicago. She wasn't even sure why she'd chosen to stay there, except that she'd always loved the sound of the word Chicago. Waverly wasn't entirely sure she wanted to tell Wynonna, or anyone in Purgatory about her new life. She had nothing to hide, but she'd finally found something that was all hers. And she wasn't sure she was ready to part with that.   
  
"Yeah, i am pretty tired." Waverly answered, completely ignoring her question.  

_____________________________________________

Waverly looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth.

Wynonna had reluctantly dropped her off moments earlier. The older sister had tried to convince her that staying at the homestead was better for her. Safer. But the curse was broken and Waverly assured her sister that she was quite capable of taking care of herself. 

Waverly knew that Wynonna wanting her to stay at the homestead wasn't entirely about the younger girls safety. She knew that Wynonna just wanted to spend time with her, to catch up on her life. But Waverly wasn't ready to divulge any information about her knew life. It was hers and hers alone. 

Waverly looked around the room as she settled onto the bed. It was a small room. There was a short bench, with a kettle and toaster on top. Beneath the bench was a small fridge. There was a small TV on top of a set of drawers on the wall at the foot of the bed. Even the bed was small. Not too small, but it would definitely make sharing it with another person rather difficult. Not that there was anyone Waverly was planning on sharing her bed with. Everything in the room was perfectly sized for her short stay.  ****


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna clear a few things up... Bear with me. 
> 
> I am 100% a WayHaught fan. I have shirts and a hoodie and they're the wallpaper on my phone, which in itself might mean little because it's just a couple of beautiful women that I can wear or stare at when I open my phone. But I want to make it clear that I love this ship. I will sail whatever rough seas this ship goes through. I also love each part of WayHaught in their own right. Nicole and Waverly are my favourite characters on the show, both together and as individuals. While I don't agree with what happened in the recent episode, I didn't write it. My heart broke along with all of yours. But, I have faith that it'll all be worked out because I trust Emily and the amazing cast we have. All I ask is please don't take your anger and hurt at what happened in the show out on me. 
> 
> It's about as fair as those taking it out on Dom and Emily. They're just doing their jobs people! It is a drama after all... 
> 
> Rainbows come after the storm, so buckle up kiddies because I'm sure the rest of season two will be bumpy af. And if what has happened is making you walk away from the show, can you really call yourself a fan? 
> 
> My fic is based so loosely around the show. Noone except me knows what has happened to drive the characters in my story apart. This story has been playing in my head for weeks, before I actually penned anything. 
> 
> If you don't want to read it, don't read it. As I've been informed, there are better writers out there who are respecting both characters. Go read one of their stories. I'm not going to beg and plead, or change the direction I have planned out for my story because there a people who don't know the difference between constructive criticism and a horrible comment. 
> 
> Lastly, thank you to the people that took the time to write comments urging me to continue. I hope I don't let you guys down. 
> 
> Now that that's out of the way... Onto chapter two. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

** Chapter Two **

It was cold when Waverly woke the next morning. She showered and dressed quickly, excited to see Gus.

She walked along the street, hands in her pocket, the crisp morning air blowing in her face. She sighed.

Could it be that she missed life in Purgatory? It was all she’d known for so much of her life. It was a part of her. But maybe missed was a strong word.

Waverly was meeting Wynonna for breakfast before heading to see Gus. As she walked, she prepared herself for the onslaught of questions from her sister.

Where have you been?

What do you do?

Do you have friends?

Do you have a girlfriend?

Boyfriend?

“Waverly?” The sound of her name in the familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts. She turned her head, searching for the owner. “It is you!”

Oh boy.

“Hi.” Waverly smiled, awkwardly. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide as uniform clad arms wrapped around her.

“It’s been a while. How are you?” Waverly looked at the beaming smile, and relaxed a little, but not enough to be entirely comfortable with the situation she found herself in.

“I’m good, Champ. How are you?”

“I’m great!” His smile widened. “Do you notice anything different?”

It had been five years since she’d seen Champ, she expected many things to be different. 

 _His hair_? The same.

 _His face_? The same.

No visible tattoos or piercings

She lifted her eyes to meet his, and then dropped them again.

Up.

Down.

_No way. Champ was a-_

“I’m a cop, Waves. I did it.”

“No way.” She grinned.

“Don’t seem so surprised.”

“No, I... “ She wasn’t sure how to follow that up. She was surprised. Very surprised.

He wasn’t the most chivalrous or brave person Waverly knew. Hell, sometimes he was closed-minded and cruel. Not exactly the traits one hopes to find in someone in law enforcement. But he had always wanted to be a cop.

Waverly had always told him he didn’t need to prove anything by becoming a cop. That he could still be a good man without having to wear that uniform. But she knew it was a low point for him when she’d started dating Nicole after they’d broken up. A blow to his ego. Not only had she started dating a woman, but a cop.

He was waiting for her to say something.

“Congratulations, Champ. I’m really happy for you.” And she meant it. “I know how much you wanted it.”

“Yeah.” Waverly could see how proud he was of himself. “I’ve changed, Waverly.”

“I can see that.” She pointed to his uniform.

“Not only this.” He chuckled. “I’m not who I was when we – “

“Champ, you don’t ha-.” She started, shaking her head slowly.

Waverly didn’t want to go down memory lane with him.

“Just let me finish please?” Waverly closed her mouth and nodded softly. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. I was an asshole. I didn’t treat you the way you deserved, and I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t all bad.” She chuckled and playfully tapped his arm. Her attempt to lighten the mood was all bad, however. And she instantly saw that it had the same effect on him that failing the police exam multiple times had. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I deserved that.” He gave her a weak smile. “I just want you to know I’m sorry. I’m a different guy now.”

“Thanks, Champ.” Waverly smiled back. She glanced down at her watch. “Oh, I’ve got to go meet Wynonna before we go to the hospital to see Gus.”

“Why are you going to the hospital to see Gus?”

Maybe he hadn’t heard. It was a small town but perhaps it was possible that people didn’t know that Gus was sick. The older woman liked to keep her private business close to her chest.

Just one thing that Waverly had learnt from her.

“She’s sick, Champ.” Waverly answered softly. He might not even care. Gus had never kept her dislike for the boy and the way he treated Waverly a secret. But maybe they’d learnt to get along. He was a changed man, after all.

“No she isn’t.” He replied, a look of confusion on his face. “I saw her th-“

“What?” Waverley’s blood was boiling.

“I saw her going into Shortys this morning.”

______________________________________________

“I don’t know how long for.” Wynonna turned her head to see Waverly walking over to her. “Waves, I was just telling Chrissy – “

“You lied to me!” Waverly cut her off. “Why would you do that?”

“That you’re back.” Wynonna grinned sheepishly as she finished her sentence, not really sure how else to respond. She turned her attention back to Chrissy, “Can you excuse us for a minute?”

Wynonna moved her hand to rest on Waverley’s back, ready to lead her away.

“Don’t touch me.” Waverly took a step back. She couldn’t remember being this angry at her sister.

Wynonna put her hands up, as if surrendering.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else, please?” She lowered her hands and motioned toward the door.

Waverly looked around the crowded diner. All eyes were on them. It wasn’t the first time in their lives that the Earp sisters had been the centre of attention. Waverly was sure it wouldn’t be the last time either.

The younger sister turned and headed for the door.  
Once outside she headed for the little ally next to the diner.

“Waverly!”

She didn’t turn around. She wasn’t ready to look at Wynonna.

“Waves?”

“What would possess you to lie to me?” Waverly asked, still not facing her sister.

“I just... “ Wynonna started as she walked around to look Waverly in the face. Waverly spun again, still not ready to meet her sisters gaze. “Waverly! Will you just look at me?”

Waverly slowly turned, her eyes fixed on the ground. She was mad. She was upset. And she felt betrayed.

“I don’t see that it was so bad.”

“You wouldn’t!” Waverly shot back.

“Excuse me?”

“You only ever think of yourself!”

“Whoa,” Wynonna chuckled, but she certainly didn’t find the accusation amusing. “I just figured it was time for you to stop sulking.”

“I wasn’t sulking. I’m not a child, Wynonna.” Waverly lifted her eyes to meet her sisters then.

Wynonna could see the fire in them. She’d really hurt Waverly. It certainly hadn’t been her intention. She had actually thought Waverly would find it amusing once she found out the truth. She thought Waverly would feel relieved to be back home and that she’d just stay.

“I know. We just wanted you to come home.”

“We?”

“Gus and I.” Wynonna’s brow bent in confusion. “Who did you think I meant?”

“No-one.” That was a lie. For the briefest moment Waverly had considered that Wynonna and Nicole had come up with this plan.

Ridiculous plan.

“How did you find out anyway?” Wynonna asked. “I was planning to tell you over breakfast.”

“Champ told me.”

“Hmmm.”

“Why would you lie to me, Wynonna?” This time the question was softer. “I thought Gus was dying.”

“You didn’t respond to anything else I sent. You wouldn’t answer my calls.” Wynonna sighed. “I don’t know exactly what happened, Waves, but you just disappeared.”

Waverly had never told Wynonna why she was leaving. She’d left her a note saying she needed to get away and wasn’t sure when she’d be home. That was four years ago.

“I know.” Waverly breathed in deep. She still wasn’t ready to tell Wynonna why she’d left. “I’m sorry I never called. I just needed..."

“Time?” Waverly nodded softly. “I get it. But you’ve had four years and you’re home now, that’s what matters.”

“This isn’t my home anymore, Wynonna.” Waverly could see pain flash in the older woman’s eyes. “I’ll stay for a few days though.”

“We’ll work on that.” Wynonna grinned cheekily.

Waverly could’ve tried to convince Wynonna that she really would only be staying for a little while, but she knew there was no point.

“Breakfast?” Wynonna nodded and threw an arm over Waverly’s shoulders, leading her back to the diner.

_____________________________________________

“So, Champ is a cop.” It wasn’t a question, but Waverly hoped that Wynonna would fill her in on the details of exactly how it happened.

“Oh, yeah.” Wynonna said, taking a bite of her donut. “He’s pretty good, too.”

“Really?” Waverly still couldn’t see it, even though she had actually seen him in uniform. A uniform he filled out nicely, but not as nicely as –

_What?_

“Yeah. I’ve worked with him. He’s grown up a lot.”

“Interesting.” Waverly took a sip of her coffee.

“So, you just ran into Champ, aye?” The older girl smirked.

“Yes. What is that look for?”

“Nothing. Just amusing to me that you saw Champ before you saw-“

“Please don’t, Wynonna.” Waverly sighed, knowing exactly where her sister was headed.

“I’m just saying. Funny is all.”

“Champ saw me when I was coming to meet you. What was I meant to, run and hide?” She wasn’t going to admit to Wynonna that it had actually crossed her mind. “We broke up, Wynonna, but I don’t hate him. And besides, even you said he’s changed.”

“But you hate Nicole?” Waverly could see her sister was really asking. That Wynonna thought it might be a possibility.

Did she? Perhaps part of her did. She wasn’t the girl she was before she met Nicole. And she certainly wasn’t the girl she was while they were together. Being with Nicole had changed her life, changed her, and sometimes she wasn’t entirely sure it was for the better. Sure, she’d discovered this other side of herself because of Nicole. This side of herself that was attracted to women.

 _Woman_.

But she felt jaded, incomplete almost, where she used to feel joy and happiness. Sure Nicole wasn’t entirely to blame. It takes two to tango after all. But she couldn’t help thinking that perhaps she’d still be her happy self if she’d never met the red head .

“No, I don’t hate Nicole.” She wanted to believe the words coming out of her mouth. She hoped Wynonna did at least.

“Are you going to see her?”

“Wynonna, come on.” Waverly rolled her eyes. She didn’t know if she wanted to or not, but she knew she definitely wasn’t ready.

“OK, ok.” Wynonna sipped at her coffee.

“Do you want to come with me to see Gus?”

“I think I’ll let you surprise her. She doesn’t know you actually responded. Or that I told you she was sick. So if you could not mention that, that would be great!” Wynonna chuckled, and Waverly nodded in agreement.

The sisters talked for a while more while they finished their breakfast and coffees. Waverly allowed herself to tell Wynonna parts about her new life, and the older sister didn’t push when Waverly avoided certain questions. She knew that she’d already pushed Waverly and she didn’t was to push her away completely.

“Ah, shit.” Wynonna glanced at the clock that hung over the door in the diner. “I’ve got to get to work.”

Waverly watched her sister stand, and smiled.

They’d both had a hard childhood, but Wynonna had definitely coped the brunt of it. Waverly had only ever imagined what the older girl had gone through, rarely being on the right side of anything. It was really no surprise that she was as messed up as she was.

Wynonna was now on the right side of life and it looked good on her.

“Wynonna?” Waverly started, standing.

“Yeah, baby girl?”

“I’m really proud of you.” Wynonna smiled the biggest smile Waverly had ever seen in that moment.

The two girls stepped closer to each other and hugged. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Wynonna pulled back.

“Dinner? At the homestead?” Waverly nodded.

Wynonna kissed her sister on the cheek and all but ran out of the diner.

She may have been on the right side of the law, but time was clearly something that still had one up on Wynonna.

As Waverly moved to the door, Chrissy caught her eye. The blonde was sitting in a booth, awkwardly waving. Waverly smiled before walking over.

“Hi, Chrissy.” Waverly smiled.

“It’s so good to see you, Waverly.” Chrissy stood and hugged the brunette.

“I’m sorry about earlier. Wynonna – “

“Was being Wynonna” Chrissy finished. It wasn’t exactly how she’d planned on phrasing it, but Waverly nodded at its accuracy. “Do you have time to sit for a bit? I’d love to catch up.”

Waverly agreed to stay for a catch up. Gus wasn’t sick, which meant no set visiting hours so she had time.

The girls sat and chatted and laughed just like old times. Waverly felt at ease in that moment. Perhaps there were more things in this town that she’d missed than Wynonna and Gus.

____________________________________________

Nicole glanced up at Wynonna’s empty chair.

Their shift had started an hour earlier, and while it wasn’t unusual for Wynonna to be late, she normally sent Nicole a text with one of her many excuses. And she’d never been this late.

The red head dropped her eyes back to the case on her desk.

Part of her missed the days of the curse. Even though she wasn’t an official part of the black badge division, the cases were at least a little exciting. Not that she wasn’t happy to find out who was putting the gnomes in Mrs Stones garden into “unsavoury positions”. Or who was turning the street signs upside down. And while she had her suspicions that it was the same person and was more than happy to help anyone, these cases lacked a little excitement.

“You’re late.” Nicole stated, hearing the spring squeak a little as Wynonna sat.

‘Nah, I’ve been here for ages.”

“Oh yeah?” Nicole looked up at Wynonna.

“Yeah, I was out, uh, checking on a case.” Nicole knew she was lying but she also knew that Wynonna was good at her job, so she usually cut her some slack for showing up late.

“Uh-huh.” Nicole smiled. “Whatever you say.”

“So...” Wynonna started. Her voice drifting off because she had no idea how to say what she needed to.

She had no idea how to tell Nicole that Waverly was in town. She’d mentioned to the red head that Waverly was coming, but not when.

“Waverly is here.”

“What?” Nicole’s eyes doubled in size as she scanned the room.

“Not here here.” Wynonna chuckled. “In Purgatory.”

“Oh. Ok.” Nicole let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding in. “Is she... Does she...”

“She thinks she’s only staying for a few days. But Im working on it.” Wynonna smiled. Nicole didn’t smile back. “She looks good, Nicole.”

 _I’ll bet_ , Nicole thought to herself, looking down at her desk.

She could still remember the first time she ever saw Waverly, and how in that moment, and every moment after, she would be left breathless by the brunette.

“Does she want to see me?” Nicole’s whisper was greeted by silence. And for a moment she thought Wynonna hadn’t heard her. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet the brunettes.

Wynonna had heard her.

“I-“

“It’s ok if she doesn’t.” Nicole added quickly. “It’s probably for the best.”

“I don't know. Dude, what happened between you two?” Wynonna asked, concerned. She leant forward and rested her arms on her desk.

Nicole had never told Wynonna why they had broken up. Even though they were partners, she didn’t feel like it was her place. And she knew Wynonna would be less than impressed with her actions so for her own safety, she thought keeping it to herself was the best option.

Even though she’d needed a friend more than anything in the weeks, the months following the breakup.

Wynonna had become a friend, a partner. And Nicole was so grateful for the brunette. It was hard though, being around each other and ignoring the elephant that wasn’t in the room.

And it wasn’t lost on either woman.

Nicole never answered her question, and Wynonna knew even before she asked it that she wouldn’t.  
They both looked at the files on their desks and started flicked through them.

A brunette read files and jotted down notes.

A red head suddenly forgot how to read while thoughts that were long forgotten pushed their way into her mind. 

____________________________________________

It was 10am before Waverly got to Gus’s house.  
As she walked through up the stairs to the front door, Waverly couldn’t help but feel nervous. Leaving all those years ago had felt like the right thing to do. For Waverly.

She hadn’t thought beyond her own feelings and in the moments she was gone, she hadn’t regretted leaving. It was what she needed at the time, and the longer she stayed away the better she started to feel. But standing in front of the house that held so many childish memories, she suddenly felt guilty. Guilty for leaving and cutting herself off from everyone.

She raised a shaky hand and knocked.

It only took a moment before the door opened. Gus didn’t say anything. She just stared at Waverly.

“Hi, Gus.” Waverly smiled weakly.

Waverly could see tears building in Gus’s eyes and the guilt she felt grew.

“Gus, I-“ But she didn’t get a chance to finish before she was pulled into the older woman’s arms.

Waverly relaxed into the embrace, holding Gus back as tightly.

“I’ve missed you, kiddo. Let me get a look at ya.” Gus pulled back and Waverly smiled at her aunt. “You look good. Where ever you were worked for ya.”

“Thanks, Gus.” Waverly smiled sheepishly. “You look good, too!"

Waverly hoped the older woman didn’t pick up on the relief in her voice.

“I look old.” Gus laughed. Turning and walking down the hall, she added, “How about a beer? Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.” She definitely was not hungry, but didn’t want to turn down the offer.

Waverly moved to follow her aunt through to the kitchen, her eyes brushing over the picture frames and furniture that held so many memories.

By the time she got to the kitchen there was a cold beer open on the table and Gus was busy with her head in the fridge.

Waverly sat down at the table and put the beer to her mouth. She hadn’t even swallowed the first mouthful before Gus placed a sandwich in front of her.

“Thank you.” Waverly eyed the sandwich, not sure how she’d fit it in this close to breakfast.

Gus sat and smiled at her niece, taking a bite of the sandwich she’d prepared for herself.

“So, what brings you to town?”

“Uh,” Waverly fought the urge to tell her aunt what had happened. “Just time, I guess. I got in late.”

“Have you seen anyone else?”

“Wynonna and Chrissy. Oh and Champ.” Gus rolled her eyes at the mention of the boys name. “He seems to have done a lot of growing up.”

“You could tell this from one conversation?”

“I just meant, he’s a cop now.” Waverly shrugged. "He even apologised to me for the way he treated me. Pretty grown up if you ask me."

“Just don’t go getting any ideas.” It was Waverly who rolled her eyes this time.

“Gus, come on.” She chuckled.

“Do you have anyone special in your life?”

“I’m not seeing anyone, if that’s what you mean.” Waverly smiled weakly. It hadn’t really been a focus for her. “But I have some nice friends.”

“Good, good.”

A long silence passed over them then. Waverly could tell the older woman was fighting the urge to ask if she planned on seeing a certain red headed officer, and she was grateful when Gus changed the subject. 

They talked for a long time about lots of different things, mostly Waverly things. Waverly let a little more information slip to Gus than she had to Wynonna about her new life. But she still kept some things, like where she lived, a secret.

Waverly was relieved that the conversation had never ventured to topics of Nicole. She knew Gus had a soft spot for Nicole, and that she would’ve wanted to know what happened. But how do you explain it to someone when you’re not even sure yourself?

“I’m glad you’re happy.” Gus placed her hand over Waverly’s. “But I’m so happy you’re home now.”

Gus thought she was staying.

“Me, too.” Waverly didn’t have the heart to tell her she wasn’t. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... So, chapter two aye? It's alright yeah? Haha
> 
> I'm sure there are many mistakes I have missed, but it is almost 1am for me and I have to be up to work in a few hours after working all day today so my exhaustion levels are through the roof right now. My sincerest sleepy apologies. 
> 
> I promise to get to Nicole's side soon. Maybe in the next chapter. Maybe not


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This week's episode aye? Anyone else cry so much they needed to replace their tear ducts? 
> 
> This show... THIS SHOW will be the death of me. I can't even get into how much I loved this episode here because it would be longer than this chapter - and I'm sure y'all didn't come here to read what I think about our beautiful cast. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments on chapter two! And for coming back for chapter three! I wrote this entire thing on my flight back home and I'm pretty damn happy with how it turned out. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

** CHAPTER THREE  **

  
Waverly groaned as her alarm sounded. She wasn’t ready to wake up. She had been up most of the night talking with Wynonna. She’d let herself give over a little more information about her life. But not all of it.  
She still wasn’t ready to give over all of it. And she wasn’t sure she would be.

Waverly stared at the ceiling for long moments, tracing the cracks with her eyes.

She needed to get up.

She was meeting Wynonna for breakfast again.

Waverly hoped there wouldn’t be a repeat of yesterday.

Surely seeing Champ once on this visit was enough?

Surely Wynonna hadn’t lied to her about anything else? 

Waverly rolled out of bed and started to search through her duffel bag for some clothes, when there was a knock at her door.

The brunette stared at the door for a moment.

_Who could it possibly be at..._

  
She glanced at the clock on the little table beside the bed.

_6:17am? Who could possibly at her door at 6:17 in the morning?_

“You better not have forgotten about breakfast, baby girl.” Wynonna’s voice came through the closed door so loud and clear that it was almost like she was in the same room.

“Wynonna?” Waverly moved to open the door. “I thought I was meeting you at the diner.”

“Change of plans.” Wynonna walked into the room once the door was open. “Ugh, I wish you’d stayed at the homestead, Waves. This hotel room isn’t you.”

“Neither is the homestead anymore.” Waverly rolled her eyes, and went back to looking in her duffel. 

“Do you have to keep saying that? I get that you’re not staying. Just would’ve been nice is all.” Waverly faced her sister.

She wasn’t sure what to say, but she felt like she had to say something.

“Why the change of plans?”

_Change of subject too. Good good._

“Forgot that I had the morning shift today, so we’re having breakfast at the station. You’ll get to see me in action!” Wynonna smiled.

“I’ve seen you in action.” Waverly chuckled.

The sisters had fought side by side for almost two years before Waverly left Purgatory. They’d come up against all kinds of monsters, not all supernatural.

“This is different though, Waves.”

And Waverly could see that for Wynonna it was different.

“Ok. Just let me get changed.” Waverly grabbed a the first thing could from her bag and headed for the bathroom. Leaving a smiling Wynonna staring after her.  
____________________________________________________

  
It didn’t take them long to reach the station. Waverly was relieved when Wynonna told her that Champ was out on a call.

The station hadn't changed in the time Waverly was away. Not that she'd expected it to. 

“I know how much you wanted to see him.” She joked.

“Whatever.” Waverly rolled her eyes.

She seemed to do that a lot more than usual when she was around Wynonna.

“I know he was happy to see you.”

“Wynonna... “ Waverly picked up a picture frame from the older woman’s desk and smiled.

It was of her and Wynonna, taken shortly after Wynonna had come back to town for the umpteenth time, the permanent time.

“He hasn’t stopped talking about it.”

“Anyone would think you were trying to get Champ and I back together, Wynonna.” Waverly laughed and replaced the picture.

Folding her arms across her chest, she sat on the corner of the desk and looked down at her sister. Wynonna had a file open on her desk, a donut in her hand and a smile on her face. Waverly smiled then.

Happy suited Wynonna. Her features were softer and she seemed lighter, like the weight of the world was no longer on her shoulders. And Waverly knew that with the curse broken, the weight was gone. Still, it made her heart swell as she watched her sister. 

“What?” Wynonna questioned.

“Nothing. You just look happy.”

“I am, baby girl.” Wynonna smiled big.

“It suits you.” The sisters smiled at each other in silence for a long moment.

“Speaking of happy,” Wynonna started. “Are you happy?”

“Yes.” And Waverly was. For the most part.

“And there’s no-one special?”

“I don’t need to be with someone to be happy, Wynonna.”

“I know. I’m just curious if there’s been anyone since-“

“Damnit, Wynonna. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about Nicole and I don’t want to see Nicole.” Wynonna opened her mouth to interrupt but Waverly didn’t give her a chance to say anything. Instead, she watched as Waverly pushed herself off the desk and continued, “So please stop pushing me.”

Waverly spun to face Wynonna. She suddenly became very aware that they weren’t alone.

She felt her face flush as her eyes locked onto familiar brown pools. Pools that she’d gotten lost in so many times, that she could easily drown in now.  
Waverly lost the ability to talk, to remember words. She’d studied accent languages but she couldn’t think of a single word to say.

_Hello?_

Surely Nicole had heard what Waverly had said about not wanting to see her. But here she stood, being seen.

How does someone come back from saying that? 

“Morning, Nicole.” Wynonna’s voice broke into Waverly thoughts.

“Morning.” Nicole smiled weakly, never breaking her lock on the brunettes eyes.

Waverly could see that this meeting had thrown the red head for a spin too. Still, _she_ had managed to say something.

Waverly head was clear of all thoughts except the one that repeated how good Nicole looked. And she did look good. 

Of course she did. She was a beautiful woman. The most beautiful woman that Waverly had ever seen, and she hardly expected the their breakup would change that.

 _Say something!_  Waverly screamed at herself. 

But words wouldn’t come. Instead, she glanced down at Wynonna before all but running from the room.

She barely heard Wynonna apologise to Nicole as she exited the room.

She opened the first door she found and slipped inside, closing the door behind her. In an attempt to calm herself, she leant against the door for a moment. She only managed a moment before a soft knock sent her heartbeat back up.

 _Don’t be Nicole_.

She wasn’t ready. It had been four years but nothing had prepared her for seeing Nicole again.

“Waves?” Waverly took a step forward at Wynonna’s voice. Her sister was in the room in a second. “Are you OK?”

“No! What is she even doing here, Wynonna?”

“She works here.” Wynonna replied, confused.

“Don’t be a smart ass.” Waverly snapped through clenched teeth. 

“You asked.” Wynonna shrugged, still confused. “She’s my partner, Waverly.”

“What?” It was Waverly’s turn to be confused.

She’d assumed that Champ was Wynonna’s partner after her sister had said they’d worked together. Or that Wynonna worked alone. She wasn’t known for playing well with others.

“Going on three years now.”

“What are you two like best friends now? You didn’t even like her, Wynonna!” Waverly snapped, knowing the second part wasn’t at all true.

Wynonna had always had a lot of respect for Nicole. The two women had always been close with a bond very similar to the one the Wynonna had with Waverly.

“You left all of us, Waves. Nicole and I were just doing the best we could without you.” Wynonna replied. She hadn't raised her voice, or said them with malice but they still stung as they fell onto Waverly.

Waverly closed her eyes, fighting back tears.

She wasn’t sure why she was so mad. She had known that Wynonna and Nicole were friends, had she expected that to end just because her relationship with Nicole had?

Wynonna had always struggled to find friends, or people she could rely on. And Waverly had always loved that Nicole could be that for Wynonna. She’s trusted the red head with her own life, and therefore with her sisters too.

“I know.” Waverly sighed.

“It’s a small town, Waves. And I certainly wasn’t going to be partners with Champ.” Wynonna chuckled softly.

“I should go say something. Do you think?” Wynonna nodded softly and gently squeezed the younger woman’s arm.

“She doesn’t bite.”

_Oh, if only you knew._

_What?_

Waverly shot a weak smile at Wynonna before slowly walking out of the room.

She hadn’t gone far so it only took a few moments. Her eyes scanned the room.

Nicole was gone. 

____________________________________________________

  
Waverly walked into Shortys.

She needed a drink. It was five o’clock somewhere in the world.

She sat down on a stool at the bar.

“What can I getcha?” The brunette on the other side of the bar asked.

“Southern comfort and coke please.” The other girl nodded. 

"Sorry, don't have that." The girl shrugged, apologetically. 

_Just my luck._

"Any whiskey then." 

The nodded.

“Here ya go, Waverly.” She smiled, placing a glass in front of Waverly only moments later. Waverly’s brow furrowed. She was sure she didn’t know this woman. She’d spent her whole life in Purgatory and knew everyone. “I’ve seen your photo.”

The girl pointed to the wall behind the bar, and sure enough there was a photo of Waverly with Gus and Shorty. It was taken a few years before Shorty had passed.

“Oh.” Waverly nodded and took a sip of her drink.

“I’m Rosita.” The woman stretched out her hand and Waverly shook it, smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you. Have you been here long?”

“About two years. It like it.” She smiled softly.

“Yeah, it’s a good town.”

“But you wanted more?”

Waverly wasn’t entirely sure if it was a question or a statement, and she was even less sure how to answer.

“I just needed a change.”

“Fair enough.”

Waverly heard the door open behind her and rolled her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of the locals.

Who goes to a bar at ten in the morning anyway?

Waverly took another sip of her drink.

“Officer.” Rosita smiled and gave a nod in the direction of the door.

Waverly sighed, relieved. Wynonna was a pain in the ass at the best of times, but she could deal with her.

“I know it’s early, but I really needed this.” She spun the stool and grinned.

Her smile faded when she saw that it wasn’t Wynonna in the door way.

 _I didn’t know Shortys had a wet t-shirt competition_.

  
Waverly’s eyes locked with Nicole’s.

 _Say something_!

But before she could, the red head turned and left the bar.

It only took a moment for Waverly to realise she was chasing after the red head.

“Nicole!” She called, but Nicole didn’t slow down.

Waverly continued to follow the officer along the street, in the direction of the police station.

“Nicole, will you just stop please?” Waverly hated how desperate her voice sounded.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me.” Nicole snapped.

“I don’t, but here I am.”

“Stop following me and it’ll fix that.”

She could’ve stopped. She could’ve turned around and gone back to finish her drink. She could’ve found anywhere else in town that the red head wasn’t and it would’ve solved her problem. Only she could quite bring herself to stop.

“Will you just-“ Waverly reached for Nicole’s arm. The officer pulled her arm away quickly as she felt Waverly's fingertips brush her skin. She stopped quickly and turned to face the brunette.

Waverly only just managed to stop herself from ploughing into the taller woman. They stood, so close, as looked at each other. The fire each of them felt mirrored in the others eyes.

Long silent moments passed. It felt like they were standing there, starring, for hours.

“What do you want, Waverly?” Nicole whispered and suddenly it felt like they’d been standing there for mere seconds.

"I just-"

“You said you didn’t want to see me. I was just giving you what you wanted.” _Again_.

"What? You followed me to Shortys!" 

"I..."Nicole felt her resolve melting as she looked down at Waverly. She took a step back, trying to regain some composure.

“I'm sorry about what I said this morning."

“That I heard it?”

“A little. But also that I said it. I just wasn’t sure I could... “ Waverly voice trailed off, but Nicole nodded slightly, letting her know that she understood.

Waverly opened her mouth to add something, although she didn’t know what, but Nicole cut her off. 

“Have dinner with me.”

 _What_?  
_WHAT_!

Nicole wasn’t sure where that had come from.

Waverly hadn’t wanted to see her, she certainly wasn’t going to have dinner with her. And Nicole wasn’t even sure she wanted to have dinner with the brunette. 

It definitely wasn’t a good idea.

“OK.”  
____________________________________________________

They’d decided to have dinner at Nicole’s apartment, away from prying eyes. Neither of them were entirely comfortable with the situation, but it was better than having half the town staring at them while they chatted.

“So,” Waverly broke her garlic bread in half. “You and Wynonna are partners hey?”

“Yeah.” Nicole nodded, taking a sip of her wine.

“And how’s that been for you?” Waverly grinned cheekily. She knew from personal experience that Wynonna wasn’t always the easiest to work with.

“It’s been... Yknow, she’s... “ Nicole searched for the right word.

“Wynonna?”

“Exactly!” They both chuckled and their eyes locked. It was nice and seemed to ease the tension. “She’s a really good cop though. Which isn’t surprising. Bad at the paperwork, but she’s my partner and I trust her.”

Nicole was shocked at how easily they’d slipped into conversation. It had been tense for a few moments but it had quickly passed.

She watched as Waverly broke her garlic bread in half, again.

“You don’t have to eat it.” Nicole smiled. She’d made vegan bolognaise with zucchini spaghetti because she knew it was Waverly favourite. Or at least it had been once upon a time. 

“Oh,” Waverly hadn’t even noticed what she’d been doing, that she was playing with her food rather than eating it. “Sorry.” 

Waverly smiled weakly before placing the bread on her plate.

“It’s ok.” Shaking her head softly, Nicole replied.

In the wake of laughter the air grew thick. It was easy until it wasn’t.

“Waverly,”  
“Nicole, please.” Waverly begged, sensing what Nicole wanted to say, needed to say, but being completely unprepared to hear it.

This was the part she wasn’t ready for. Her heart was beating in her throat, as it always did when she was around Nicole. And she was sure the other woman could hear it, feel it’s vibration through the table they both leaned on.

“I just need to say-“

Waverly pushed herself from the table and stood.

“You really don’t.”

It had been going so well until that point. But it was inevitable, wasn’t it? The past hung between them like a noose around their necks, but Waverly wasn’t ready to step off the ledge and hang herself.

Nicole sighed. She knew there was no point in arguing with the younger girl.

Nicole had enjoyed spending time with Waverly more than she thought she would. It had been easy. They’d slipped back into the familiar feeling of each other with so much ease, almost too much ease.

She looked at Waverly, but the younger girl refused to meet her gaze.

“Did you miss me while you were away?” Nicole finally asked, her voice barely a whisper. “Because I missed you.”

Waverly’s eyes met hers then, and there was a sadness in them that broke Nicole’s heart.

“Please don’t do this. It isn’t fair.” Waverly begged.

“None of this has been fair, Waves.”

 _Waves_.

Waverly felt herself shiver as goosebumps covered her skin and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.

“You just left.” Nicole continued, standing. “You just left and you wouldn’t return my message or emails. I know I hurt you, Waverly, but did you even think about me at all?”

Nicole moved closer to Waverly, but the brunette took a step back, suddenly feeling the need to put distance between them.

“No.” Waverly said, almost too quickly.

Nicole stopped and looked down at her hands, not wanting Waverly to see the tears welling in her eyes. But they were so close now that Waverly saw and it crushed her. Truth was, she would’ve been able to see the pain in Nicole’s eyes from across the street. She would’ve known it was there. She felt it.

She didn’t want to hurt Nicole. She hadn’t come back to Purgatory, hadn’t agreed to have this dinner to dig up old pain. But it was inevitable really. They hadn’t talked about any of it. Time had passed but neither had closure.

"It was too hard to think about you." Waverly added in a whisper. She lifted her hand to cover Nicole’s, but changed her mind, tucking her own hair behind her ears instead, before returning her hand to her lap. "I was so broken, Nicole..."

"I know. I’ve said I’m - " Nicole lifted her tear filled eyes to meet Waverly’s.

"Please, just let me finish." Nicole closed her mouth, but kept her eyes locked on Waverly.

Nicole knew that she’d started them on this painful road and she owed it to Waverly to hear what she had to say. 

The pain that Waverly could see in Nicole’s eyes mirrored the pain she felt in her own heart. It took every ounce of strength she had to not break down, to hold back her own tears.

"I know you’re sorry. But it doesn’t change what happened. I couldn’t stay here if we were over, Nicole. I just couldn’t.”

"You didn’t even give me a chance to explain. You just left."

“You ended it, Nicole. What was there to explain?”

 _Everything_.

Nicole closed her eyes, and a tear rolled down her cheek. Waverly fought the urge to wipe it away, to cup the red heads face in her hands.

"I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for ended it, Nicole. I just couldn’t stay here and see you everyday.”

Waverly watched the red head lift a hand and wipe at her cheek, and she found herself wishing she’d just given in and allowed herself to do it. She still cared so deeply for Nicole and she could feel Nicole’s sadness crushing her. She wanted to fix it. But she didn’t know how. They were both very different people now.

“You left your whole life because of me. I made you leave everything and –“

"And I couldn’t see you sad." Waverly added softly. This time she placed her hand on Nicole’s arm. “You were hurting too, and I couldn’t be here and see it and not fix it.”

The familiarity of the touch sent a warm buzz through Nicole and she melted into it.

Their eyes locked and Waverly felt a tear run down her cheek. She tilted her head slightly, and smiled softly. It was almost non-existent and anyone else would’ve missed it. But not Nicole. Never Nicole.

Waverly’s bottom lip trembled then.

“I didn’t know how to fix it anymore.” The brunette shook her head softly.

“Neither did I, Waves.” Nicole whispered back, lifting her hand to wipe the tear away. Waverly turned into Nicole’s touch slightly, closing her eyes.

“Wait.” She took a step back. “What are we doing?”

Nicole closed her eyes and sighed as Waverly moved passed her.

“Waverly...”

“No. We don’t go back here. This isn’t what dinner was.” The two women faced each other.

“I know.” Nicole sighed again.

“I should go.” Waverly eyed the door briefly, before turning her gaze back to Nicole.

The door was behind Nicole, on the other side of the room. It would only take a couple of steps and she’d be out of the apartment, but outside never seemed so far away.

“I should go.” She repeated.

“You said that already.” Nicole chuckled softly.

“Don’t laugh at me.” Waverly snapped.

Nicole rolled her eyes and looked away.

“If you’re gonna go, then go.” Nicole said, her tone flat.

Waverly straightened her back.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Waverly moved toward the door. As she passed Nicole, she reached toward the bench for her purse. Nicole snaked her hand her hand out and grabbed Waverly’s arm. The taller woman pulled her close, almost roughly. Waverly didn’t have time to process what was happening as lips crashed into hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Who saw that coming? I mean, I did. Haha. 
> 
> Also - don't hate me! I know I said we'd get Nicole's side this chapter, but I needed to set it up a little more first. Definitely the next chapter. I promise. 
> 
> Does it help if I say I've already almost finished chapter four?


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are still with me, I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter. I promised you Nicole's side and it's here. It was... Not fun for me to write. It is... A glass filled to the brim with angst, so... Just a warning.

** CHAPTER FOUR **

 

_It was all a blur._

_Lips against lips._

_Skin against skin._

_Hands. Everywhere._

_Mouths kissing, teeth biting._

_“Nicole, I-“_

_Moaning._

_“I’m close, baby.”_

_Baby._

_Baby_.

Nicole opened her eyes as her alarm sounded. She wasn’t ready to get up. She’d been having a lovely dream about... Something that she couldn’t quite remember. But she was definitely enjoying it. 

It was the first time in a long time that she didn’t want to go to work. She was a good cop. A great cop. And she loved her job more than almost anything else in the world.

Almost anything else.

A soft moan came from her right and she turned her head to look at the woman laying beside her. Her brunette hair covered her face.

Nicole smiled as the other girl stretched.

“It’s too early.” She moaned and Nicole chuckled.

It could midday and the brunette would still think it was too early.

“I agree.” Nicole replied, pulling the other woman into her arms.

“You have to work.”

"How about I don’t today?” 

“Officer Haught, are you suggesting we play hooky? That doesn’t sound like you” 

“No? No, I guess it doesn’t. But Wynonna can hold down the fort for the day and we could stay here.”

She pulled the smaller girl closer. 

“But who will protect the citizens of Purgatory from Wynonna?” They both chuckled. 

“Sounds to me like you don’t want to spend the day in bed with a very naked me.” Nicole grinned cheekily, before rolling out of bed. “Your loss.” 

Nicole knew she would regret it if she didn’t go to work. She loved her job, even on the days when nothing exciting happened. Maybe even especially then. She loved just being able to help people.  
And today would be no different. She would do her job and not be distracted by the events of the night before. 

Right?  
____________________________________________

Waverly raced around her hotel room, throwing things in the direction of her duffel bag. Some things made it into the bag, most things landed on the bed or the floor but she didn’t care. 

She didn’t have the time to slowly pack and fold her stuff. She needed to get out of the hotel, and maybe out of Purgatory. She wasn’t really ready to leave yet but she at least needed to be out of town and away from tall red heads with dimples for days. 

Waverly stopped, her hand resting on her bag as images of Nicole filled her head. Images of Nicole’s beautiful brown eyes. Images of her dimples. Images of her lips and the way they had moved against her own, against her skin. 

 _Nope_. Waverly shook her head. 

This was why she needed to get out of town. She hadn’t come back to start things back up with Nicole. She didn’t even know if that was what the red head wanted. Nicole had initiated it though. She had pulled Waverly to her. She had kissed her. But Waverly hadn’t stopped any of it. 

Waverly closed her bag and headed for the door. She scanned the room quickly, making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, and then stepped onto the street. She needed to talk to Wynonna. 

_But not about last night. God no._

Wynonna had wanted her to stay at the homestead so this would make her happy. 

One good thing about the small town is that the majority of places you wanted to go were all on the main street of town. Shorty’s, the hotel, the police station. Of course, it could also be a bad thing when you were trying to avoid a certain someone. 

Once inside the main door of the police station, Waverly ducked her head around the corner just a little, enough to see who was in the other room. And who wasn’t. 

_No Nicole_. 

Part of her was a little disappointed. That feeling of disappointment just served as a reminder that she needed to avoid the red head. She didn’t want a repeat of last night. Right? 

Waverly spotted Wynonna and practically ran over to her. 

“Wynonna!” 

“Waverly?” The older girl hugged her sister. “I didn’t know we were meeting today.”

Wynonna eyes dropped to the bag draped over Waverly’s shoulder. 

“Going somewhere?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest. 

“Uh, yes, actually.” Waverly started, leaning against her sisters desk. “I thought I’d come stay at the homestead.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?" Confusion spread over the older sisters face. 

"I don’t know how much longer I’m going to stay, and I thought it’d be nice to be closer to you, but I can ask Gus if -"

"No, no. I want you to stay with me." Wynonna smiled. "I was just curious."

Waverly nodded, "OK, good. I’ll just hang around until you finish and ride out with you." 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with your dinner with Nicole does it?" 

"No!"

 _Convincing_. 

The heat in her cheeks told Waverly just how red her face was.

She knew Wynonna wouldn't believe her lie, but she didn’t want to get into the fact that the events of the night before had _everything_ to do with her sudden desire to return to her childhood home. 

"Hmm... Did something happen?" 

"No." This time her lie was softer, but still not convincing in any way. She looked away as she felt the heat grow in her cheeks. 

"Good because she’s-" 

"Morning!" Nicole’s voice came from the other side of the room. 

"Here. She’s here." Waverly looked at her sister, a hint of panic in her eyes.

"Yeah, sorry, I’m late. Late night." 

“I’ll bet." Wynonna snickered. 

Waverly turned her head slightly, but just enough see the redhead blushing as she turned into one of the other offices. 

"I should go and let you do some work."

“I thought you were going to hang around until I finished?”

"Uh, we have plenty of time now that I’m coming to stay at the homestead.” Waverly smiled softly and stood up. 

Wynonna glanced toward the office that Nicole had entered. “Right.” 

“I’ll see you later.” Waverly leant down and kissed her sisters forehead before spinning around and heading for the door. 

She almost made it, she was almost free when Nicole stepped back into the main office, almost running right into her. 

Nicole’s arms shot out and she grabbed hold of Waverly, steadying herself. 

“Sorry.” Their eyes locked for a moment, Nicole’s hands still on Waverly’s arms. 

“It’s ok.” Waverly smiled softly, shrugging out of Nicole’s grip, but never breaking eye contact. 

Her skin felt like it was on fire in the places Nicole had touched. But that was nothing new. Nicole had always set Waverly’s skin, her heart, her soul on fire. She’d felt like she’d woken up from a dreamless sleep when she’d first met Nicole. Sure, she’d had aspirations and longed for more than her simple life. But nothing compared to the way she’d come alive when she’d met Nicole. Nothing had prepared her for it. 

And nothing had come close since. 

Nicole’s eyes dropped for a moment, to the bag over Waverly’s shoulder. 

She wanted to ask if Waverly was leaving. She wanted to beg her to stay. Instead, she gave Waverly a soft smile and walked over to where her partner sat at their joint desks. 

Waverly looked after her for a moment before turning and walking out of the police station. 

It was only a moment, but as the older Earp took in the longing gaze in her sisters eyes, it answered Wynonna’s earlier question.

_____________________________________________

  
“Baby girl?” Wynonna called as she walked into the house.

Shortly after leaving the police station that morning, Waverly had mesa aged Wynonna saying she’d meet her at the homestead. Wynonna assumed it was Waverly’s way of avoiding seeing Nicole. 

“Yeah, I’m just in the kitchen.” A few moments later Waverly appeared, looking down at her hands as she wiped them on a tea towel, “I hope you’re hungry coz I’m making-“

“We have a guest.” Wynonna pointed to her left, to the tall redhead. To Nicole. 

“I hope it’s ok that I’m here.” Nicole said sheepishly. 

“Sure. There’s plenty.” Waverly smiled, trying to hide her anger. 

“I’m just gonna go wash up.” Nicole said, moving toward the bathroom. 

“It’s just-“ 

“I remember.” Nicole nodded softly. 

_Of course_. 

As soon as Waverly heard the door to the bathroom close, she faced her sister. Anger written all over her face. 

“What you doing? Why is she here, Wynonna?” Waverly asked in a hushed voice. 

“Calm down. I forgot that I’d already made plans with her.” Wynonna started to walk toward the kitchen, but Waverly stepped in her path. 

“You couldn’t cancel?” 

“No.” Wynonna said, her brow creased in frustration.

“Look, I don’t know what is going between you two, but she is my friend, Waverly. She used to be yours.” 

Yours. 

_Mine_. 

“I know, I just... “ She let her voice trail off, unsure how to finish. 

“Deal with it like a grown up? Good girl.” Wynonna pushed passed her sister then and headed for the kitchen. 

“No need to be so condescending.” Waverly rolled her eyes and reluctantly followed. 

Nicole was standing in the kitchen now, looking over the pot on the stove. 

“What’s for dinner?” Wynonna asked, taking a seat at the table. 

“Bolognese and zucchini pasta.” Nicole glanced at Waverly, a smirk on her face. “Vegetarian of course.” 

“Garlic bread?” Waverly nodded to her sister. 

“It’ll be ready in a few minutes, I just need to set the table.” Waverly moved toward the cupboard. 

“Let me.” Nicole said, beating her to the cupboard. 

“I got it.” Nicole saw the fire, the annoyance in Waverly eyes and backed off immediately. 

She could see the smaller girl wasn’t pleased with her presence, but she didn’t really care. It was her weekly dinner date with Wynonna and she wasn’t going to let Waverly drive her away. She looked forward to this dinners every week. To having a beer with her friend and just chatting about everything, sometimes about nothing. Sometimes about Waverly. 

“Do you want a drink, Haught?” Nicole nodded at Wynonna as she joined her at the table. 

“A cold beer would be pretty good right now.” She sighed. 

Wynonna stood and walked over to the fridge, grabbing two beers. 

“Want one, baby girl?” 

“Sure.” Surely adding alcohol to the annoyance she felt wasn’t a bad thing, right? 

Wynonna returned to the table with 3 beers, and handed one to Nicole. 

Dinner passed with an uncomfortable ease. Parts of it were silent. Most of it was forced conversation, on Waverly’s part at least. The conversation between Nicole and Wynonna was easy, effortless. The way that conversations used to be between Waverly and Nicole. Now it was laboured, heavy hearted, their words laced with pain. 

Wynonna pushed her chair from the table and stood up. 

“Where are you going?” Waverly asked, desperation in her voice. 

“To the bathroom. Is that OK?” Wynonna didn’t even wait for Waverly to respond before turning and walking from the room. 

The two girls looked down at their plates. 

“Waverly,” Nicole lifted her eyes, and was a little shocked when she found the other girl already looking at her. “About-“

“Forget it.” 

“I can’t.” Nicole shook her head softly. 

_Neither can I._

They sat in silence, just starring at one another for a long time. They both had a lot to say, but neither knew exactly how to say it. Conversation had always been easy for them when things were going well.

When Waverly ran into the challenges of finding out who she really was, if she was really an Earp or not, the words they’d needed to say had become more difficult to find. And that was a big part of their downfall really. 

They’d broken up much like they’d fallen in love - slowly at first, and then all at once. 

Nicole had slowly pulled away, become more distant. She hadn’t known how to help Waverly. She’d tried. Oh God, had she tried. But the brunette had kept her at a distance. And it had taken its toll on the redhead.

Perhaps it had been Waverly who had pulled away first.

Waverly hadn’t meant to. She’d needed Nicole then more ever, but she no longer knew how to ask for what she needed. She’d just found out there was a real possibility that she wasn’t an Earp and her emotions were raw. She didn’t know how to control them. How could she let someone in when she no longer knew who she was? 

_I know who you are, you’re my Waverly_ , Nicole had reassured her over and over.

But in the end they were just words and she was no longer Nicole’s Waverly. She was no longer the happy, free spirited woman that Nicole had fallen in love with. Sure, she looked the same. Even sounded and dress the same. But Waverly no longer melted into Nicole’s touch. Nicole no longer knew how to communicate with her girlfriend. 

But she still loved Waverly. As she did now, all these years later, sitting at a table she’d sat a so many times before.

“So, you’re stating at homestead now? I hope it wasn’t to get away from me.” 

“No.” Waverly chuckled softly, awkwardly. “It just made more sense than paying for the room.”

“Right.” Nicole, choosing to ignore the obvious lie. She swallowed a mouthful of her second beer. “Do you know how long you're staying?” 

Nicole instantly regretted the question. She didn’t want to think about Waverly leaving again, let alone talk about it. 

“Trying to get rid of me again, are ya?” Waverly had meant it to as a light-hearted joke, but it definitely didn’t come across that way. She saw the pain on Nicole’s face as soon as the words fell out of her mouth. 

“You chose to leave, Purgatory, Waverly.” 

And she had. Waverly had made the decision to pack her bags and leave town all on her own. But Nicole had definitely been a powerful force behind that decision. 

“I wouldn’t have if you-“

“If I’d what? If I’d stayed with you? You left me long before you left town.” Nicole shot back. “You just left, Waverly. Without even saying goodbye.”

“I left you a note. Like the one you left me saying it was over. How could I face you after I found that?” Waverly shifted in her seat and looked down at the table. “Didn’t I deserve better?”

“Didn’t I?” Nicole whispered back, and Waverly’s eyes met hers again. “I read your email. The one to Wynonna.” 

“Oh.” Waverly closed her eyes, the realisation crushing her. 

“Yeah, oh...” Nicole blinked back tears as the memories she’d held off for so long flooded back. “Wynonna was away, and I wanted to surprise you.”

_Nicole had let herself into the homestead with Waverly’s favourite wine and the intention of cooking her her favourite dinner and reminding them both about why they were together. She had had all the time away from Waverly that could handle and now she'd just needed to hold her lover and be held in return._

_She was about ready to start preparing dinner when she decided to put on some music. Waverly’s laptop was on the table, as always. She sat down and opened it, like she had so many times before, to pick the perfect play list for the evening she’d planned. But she never made it the music._

_As her eyes moved across each line and with each word she had felt her heart break in her chest. Her entire body ached. She’d known things had been a bit rough, but she’d had no idea that Waverly had felt like this._

**_I just don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t know how to ask her for what I need anymore._ **

_Nicole had wanted to close the computer and pretend she hadn’t seen it. But how can you unsee those words? They’d had fights before but they had always fought to come back together. There wasn’t anything they couldn’t weather. This time was different. Apparently._

**_I love Nicole_**.

_Nicole loved her too. She re-read the line, needing to find some bit of hope in this email that perhaps there was a way to savour what they had. Nicole so desperately wanted to save her relationship with Waverly._

_She read it again._

**_I love Nicole_**.

_Only it wasn’t love. Loved._

**_I loved Nicole_**.

_Nicole closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn’t understand what was happening. Somehow it had become past tense for Waverly. Nicole wondered exactly when that had happened. Had things been so horrible that Waverly had actually fallen out of love with her?_

_Nicole had slammed the laptop closed, scrawled a note on a piece of paper for Waverly and left the homestead, tears streaming down her face._

**_I’m giving you an out. You don’t need to ask for it. It’s yours._ **

“Oh, God, Nicole.” Waverly couldn’t bring herself to meet the other girls gaze, an overwhelming feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick. 

“I just... I didn’t want to beg.” Nicole whispered, her voice broke as a tear ran down her cheek. 

Waverly met her gaze then. 

“I... I didn’t know you saw that. I just thought that you were done. I thought you...”

“I wasn’t going to beg you to stay, Waves. Not if I didn’t make you happy.” 

“I’m sorry, Nicole. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s done now.”

“That doesn’t make it ok. I broke us.” Waverly’s voice broke. “I should’ve just talked to you. But I couldn’t face you once I found your note. And I couldn’t stay here and see you everyday and not be with you. And see you be with someone else.” 

“There wasn’t anyone else.” 

_Wasn’t_.

“And now?” Waverly asked, although she already knew the answer. It hit her like a sledgehammer. “You didn’t come to Shorty’s to find me, did you?”

“No.” Nicole whispered, not wanting to lie. 

“The barmaid? Apparently you have a type.” Waverly spat.

“If you mean strong, beautiful, smart women, then yeah, I have a type.” Nicole snapped back. “I didn’t go searching for this with Rosita. It’s been 4 years, Waverly. And it took me so long, so long to get over you. Sometimes I don’t-“

“Did you fuck her after you kissed me?”

“That isn’t fair.” 

_That wasn't a no._

“No! This isn’t fair. You could’ve just let me walk away. You kissed me, Nicole.”

“I know I just needed to.” And it had been a need. An overwhelming need that had sent her conscience running. 

“You needed to?” Waverly was standing now, leaning against the bench. 

“I still-“ Nicole whispered. 

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare, Nicole.”

“No, I know. I know I messed up.” Nicole stood. “I should probably go.” 

“Yeah, Rosita's probably waiting for you.” Waverly spat, the anger in her eyes burning into Nicole. 

“Yeah.” Nicole turned and walked out of the homestead. 

“Where’s Nicole?” Wynonna asked, walking into the kitchen moments later. 

"Where the fuck were you?” Waverly yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“Oh, baby girl, what happened?” Wynonna walked to her sister and wrapped her arms around her. Waverly mumbled incoherently into Wynonna’s chest as she sobbed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. All I have to say is... People say write what you know, right? 
> 
> I wish I'd been as strong as Nicole. 
> 
> I begged.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else watch the finale? No? Just me? Haha. 
> 
> Anyone actually survive the finale without fucking losing it? Yeah, me neither. 
> 
> I've been in a pretty raw space since posting chapter four and this episode was the beautiful nail in my coffin. I cried.. Like ugly crying. It was not pretty and it makes me rather glad that I live alone and noone else was subjected to the ugly show that was my tear stained face. 
> 
> Anywho - chapter Five is here. And I'm almost done with chapter 6. Go me. I have also started another fic if anyone is interested in reading that one. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

** CHAPTER FIVE **

 

“I’m sorry I ran out last night.” Nicole said, sitting opposite Wynonna. “Without saying goodbye.”

“It’s all good. I’ve done it to you. A lot.” Wynonna smiled weakly. She didn't blame Nicole for leaving. 

“Yeah, but you usually had a good reason like chasing after some revenant asshole.”

“That’s true.” She replied, thinking somewhat fondly of the days of the curse. As fondly as one could think about a time when you’re being hunted by supernatural beings for things your ancestor did.

“Did you and...” Nicole let her voice fade, unsure if she could say the woman’s name. Not entirely sure if she was even deserving of saying it. “Did you guys talk?”

“Yup.” She said, making the ‘p’ pop before lifting her eyes to meet the redheads.

Nicole’s face fell. It’s not like she’d been smiling, but she now looked as if she were about to cry.

“Oh.” She sighed.

“It was more of an incoherent babble though. I didn’t really catch much of what she said once you left.” Wynonna attempted to reassure her partner.

Nicole nodded slowly.

“Wynonna, I-“

“The way I see it, it’s between you and her.”

“But-“ Nicole tried again.

“No, Nicole. Look, she’s my sister, and I love her. But you’re my partner.” Wynonna shifted in her seat. “You’re my friend. And I can’t get in the middle. You didn’t hurt me.”

_Hurt._

Nicole winced as if the word had physically wounded her. She’d hurt Waverly. God had she hurt Waverly. It hadn’t been her intention. It wasn’t a competition. You hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you worse.

No, all Nicole had thought about was kissing her. She hadn’t even thought about the consequences of the kiss. She’d only thought about how she wanted to feel Waverly’s lips against her own. She’d wanted it from the moment she’d found out Waverly was in town. And every moment before that. Every moment right back until they’d met for the first time.  And probably even before that because the connection between them had been so strong that it couldn’t be the first life they’d found each other in.

So she hadn’t thought of the consequences. She’d only thought about kissing Waverly. Nicole hadn't  even considered her own feelings beyond the want, the need.

She hadn’t thought about how they were still over and the kiss would change nothing. How Waverly would leave again and she’d be left with...

_God,_ she hadn’t thought about Rosita. Rosita who had been a light at the end of shitty tunnel. Rosita who had helped her to...

_God_ , and she’d betrayed her. And for what? For someone who broke her? For...for Waverly.

_Waverly_.

Nicole had always been willing to do anything and everything for Waverly. But didn’t that make all this worse? That even though Waverly had all but destroyed her when she’d read that email, Nicole had still willingly handed herself over,  her own life and feelings be damned.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Wynonna voice snapped her back to reality.

Nicole closed her eyes and sighed.

She felt like she owed Wynonna everything. She knew how protective Wynonna was of the youngest Earp. It was something she had admired, and at times felt jealous of. But when Waverly left, something had shifted. Nicole was no longer Waverly’s girlfriend. She was Wynonna’s partner.

There had always been a bong between the two women, but Nicole had initially thought it was because of their connection to Waverly. Things were different now.

“I’m sorry, Wynonna.” She whispered, looking down at her hands. “For what it’s worth.”

“I know you are.”   
____________________________________________

Waverly rolled onto her back, refusing to open her eyes. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but she could feel the warmth of the sun on her arm and she wasn’t ready to face the harsh light.

Her head was throbbing and she felt ill. Like the way a hangover hits you the day after a night of drinking. Only worse.

There had been drinking. There had so much drinking once Waverly had told Wynonna that she needed to be alone. But it wasn’t only the alcohol to blame for her current state. For every beer she’d swallowed she could’ve filled the bottle back up with her tears.

She wasn’t sure exactly when she’d fallen asleep, but it had still been dark. She’d stirred for a moment when she heard Wynonna leave for work, relieved that she’d be alone.

Waverly needed to process what had happened before working deciding on her next move.

It’d been all her fault, that much was clear now. There’s only so much you can blame your youth and situation for. Waverly had chosen to leave Purgatory. She’d chosen to write that email.

_Oh God, the email._

She hadn’t meant for Nicole to read it. She’d needed her sister to calm her fears, in a way that only Wynonna could. She hadn’t felt like she could go to Nicole with what she was feeling. She didn’t know how to explain it without hurting the redhead.

The email to Wynonna had been a mess of her thoughts and fear and heartache in not particular order. It hadn’t been thought out, it’d just fallen from her finger tips and appeared on the screen. But that didn’t make it any better. Perhaps that made it worse. That her relationship with Nicole had ended all because of some thoughtless act.

_Nicole_.

Waverly could feel her tears welling in her eyes, but she still refused to open them. She rolled onto her side and pulled her legs into herself.

Nicole had kissed her and she’d wanted to kiss Nicole but none of that mattered anymore because Nicole had Rosita.

_And of course she did._

Waverly would’ve been stupid to think that Nicole wouldn’t have moved on. She was smart and beautiful. She perfect.

_And I broke her._

It was inevitable that Nicole would find someone else and move on. She deserved to be happy and Waverly genuinely hoped that Nicole was happy.

Even if she wasn’t the one responsible for that happiness anymore.

___________________________________

 

Looking up at the sign to Shorty’s, Nicole tried to count how many times she’d found herself standing in this exact spot. By the time she’d counted to ten, she realised that every time she’d nervously stood out of the saloon it had involved Waverly. The first time they’d met, their first date. Hell, anytime she’d gone to see Waverly she’d found herself steeling a few moments out the front to calm her nerves.

And this time was not so different. She wasn’t there to see Waverly, but somehow Nicole was still there because of the brunette.

Nicole needed to speak to Rosita. She had no idea what she going to say. She didn’t have secrets from Rosita. Nicole had told her almost all there was to know about her relationship with Waverly. And despite that, Rosita had still been supportive of Nicole having dinner with the youngest Earp. She hadn’t been jealous or possessive. She’d acted like a grown up. And for that reason, for _at least that reason,_ she owed her the truth.

_You can do this_.

Nicole sighed. She ran a hand through her hair and lightly tapped herself on the back of the head. Twice. As if trying to push herself forward.

It seemed to work because she suddenly felt the door handle in her hand. And moments later she was inside, walking toward the bar. Toward Rosita.

“Hey you.” Rosita smiled at her.

“Hi.” Was all Nicole could get out.

She watched as the brunette wiped the counter and found herself comparing it to the times she’d watched Waverly do the same thing. This wasn’t the first time she’d noticed the similarities, but the pang of guilt in her side was most definitely new.

“Are you ok?” Concern slowly spread across the brunettes face.

“Um... “ Nicole sighed as she sat in her usual seat. She placed hands on the bar and hooked them together.

“You’re scaring me.” Rosita left the towel on the counter and moved to stand in front of Nicole. “What is it?”

“I did something stupid and... “ Her voice faded when Rosita covered her hands with her own. Nicole looked down.

“Nicole...”

“With Waverly.” Her voice was almost a whisper as she closed her eyes.

She waited for the onslaught of questions and anger from Rosita but it never came. Rostia’s hands never left hers.

“It’s ok.”

Nicole snapped her head up and locked eyes either Rosita. She wasn’t mad. There was something there though. Something in her eyes that Nicole couldn’t quite make out. Something she’d only ever seen in Rosita eyes when the topic of Waverly had come up. But it was anger. It wasn’t pain. Jealousy perhaps?

“How is it OK?”

“We never said this was forever. If this is-“

“Are you breaking up with me?” Nicole asked, panic in her voice.

Did she have any right to be upset if that was Rosita’s decision? She certainly couldn’t be mad at her.

“No.” Rosita chuckled softly. “Unless you want to break up?”

“No.” Nicole shook her head.

And she meant it. Didn’t she?

Waverly made it very clear that she wasn’t staying in Purgatory. She hadn’t expressed any interest in getting back together. But Nicole wasn’t even sure she wanted that herself.

Waverly had broken her. It had taken so long for her to heal. Its true, what they say about putting something that’s broken back together – the pieces never fit the same way.

Nicole was a different person before she met Waverly Earp.

She became a better person by knowing and loving and being loved by Waverly Earp.

Being broken by Waverly Earp changed her in a way that she sometimes hated.

“Well, then we don’t break up.”

“But I-“

“Nicole, what do you want? Do you want me to be mad? Do you want me to yell?”

“No, but I deserve it.”

Rosita sighed and stepped away from Nicole. Picking up the cloth, she started wiping at the counter.

“I’m not happy about what happened, Nicole, but I get it.” Rosita locked eyes with Nicole, pausing for a moment to add, “It’s Waverly.”

_It’s Waverly_.

Like somehow that made it ok, when it only made it worse.

Nicole nodded slowly and shifted on her stool.

“I should go.” Nicole whispered, standing.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Rosita smiled up at her.

“Yeah, of course. Later.”

Nicole left Shorty’s just as the clock ticked over to happy hour.

___________________________________________

 

“Waverly?” Her name came as a whisper, followed by a soft knock.

“Go away.” She wasn’t ready to talk.

Waverly hadn’t moved from the bed, except to go to the bathroom and to get herself some water, but she knew that looked as awful as she felt.

“We need to talk.” The voice came again, this time a little louder.

“Not right now.”

“Baby girl,” The door swung open. “Knocking was just  to make sure you covered yourself if you were naked.”

“Wynonna, I’m not in the mood.”

“I don’t care. You need to talk about what happened.” Wynonna leaned a pillow against the headboard before sitting on the bed.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“OK. I need to talk about it. I heard everything.”

“You what?” Waverly pushed herself up so she was sitting and locked her eyes on Wynonna’s. “You were just standing in the other room listening?"

“OK, first of all, you can't be mad at me because you guys weren’t exactly quiet. Second, I was not coming back in to that.” She raised an eyebrow on the last word and chuckled slightly. “You fucked up.”

“But she-“ Waverly tried, only to be cut off by Wynonna or by her own guilt. She wasn’t sure which.

“Nope. You fucked up, baby girl.”

“I know.” Waverly sighed.

“Nicole would’ve done anything and everything for you.”

“I know.” Waverly sighed again.

And she did know. Nicole had given and given and then given some more to Waverly. She’d shown the brunette what it was to really be loved and looked after.

“And you let this...this bullshit about finding out you might not be an Earp ruin everything? You didn’t even stick around to find out the results. How much could it have really mattered?”

“It’s about who I am, Wynonna. It was everything.” Waverly shot back, even though her sister did have point.

She hadn’t stuck around to find out the results and she hadn’t continued to dig into her lineage once she found roots in Chicago.

“No.” Wynonna shook her head and smiled sweetly and Waverly. “Who you are is Waverly. Your last name doesn’t matter. It doesn’t even touch how amazing you are. And you’re not you because of that shitty name, ok?”

“Ok.” Waverly nodded softly, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. She’d known Wynonna would react this way, but hearing her say the words was different to imagining them.

“An email, baby girl?” Wynonna sighed. 

“I know.”

“That’s so messed up and that’s coming from me.”

“I know, Wynonna.” Waverly snapped. “God, I know. I know that I fucked up but it’s done. I can’t change it.”

“Maybe not, but you can fix it.” Wynonna shrugged.

“Nicole won’t want to see me.” Waverly wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. “I think I’m just going to go back to-“

“You’re not leaving things like this.”

“I don’t know how to fix it, Wynonna.” Waverly touched her hand to her mouth as more tears ran down her face. “I think she hates me.”

And for Waverly, the realisation that Nicole might actually hate her was the worst part. She could accept that Nicole was happy with someone else, or she would learn to. But the idea of the redhead hating her crushed her and made her feel like she couldn't breathe. 

Wynonna wrapped her arm around Waverly and pulled her close to her.

“You should get dressed. There’s something you should see.” Wynonna whispered, before placing a kiss on Waverly head and leaving the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, what does Waverly need to see? 
> 
>  
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guys think!


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hey there! It's been a while and I have no reason except that I've been lazy.
> 
> My apologies but thanks so much for sticking around and for all the kudos and comments. Y'all are awesome!

**Chapter Six**

 

  
“Why did you bring me here, Wynonna?” Waverly asked, standing next to the jeep. “If you wanted to get a drink we could’ve gone to Shorty’s.”

Their eyes met, but Wynonna didn’t reply. She simply raised one eyebrow and Waverly knew why they couldn’t go to Shorty’s.

_Rosita_.

_Her_ _replacement_.

Waverly knew it wasn’t fair to refer to Rosita as her replacement. Rosita seemed lovely and she didn’t deserve to be called names or thought of so bitterly.

Still Waverly couldn’t help the awful feeling she got when she thought about the other brunette.

She worked in the job that was Waverly’s. She slept in the bed that Waverly had slept in. She kissed the lips that Waverly had kissed.

_Those beautiful soft lips..._

Waverly knew she’d have to speak to Rosita eventually, but she was happy to put it off for another night. After all, what would she say? Did she even owe the other woman anything? There was a voice in her head that screamed yes and she knew it was right. But not tonight.

“Oh, right.” Waverly nodded slowly, suddenly grateful that they’d driven two hours to the next town.  
“Still, if you wanted to have a drink there was alcohol at the homestead.”

“You sure you didn’t drink it all?” Wynonna playfully pushed Waverly before heading for the door.

“I’m sure!” But she wasn’t.

She’d lost track of exactly how much she’d had to drink the night before.

Waverly followed her sister through the doors. This place was very different to Shorty’s. It was very dark with awful music playing. Definitely the opposite of Shorty’s.

They leaned against the bar and Waverly continued to scan the room, desperate to find why it was so important that she’d gotten dressed and they’d driven all this way.

“Oh.” Waverly’s eyes fell onto a man standing in the middle of the stage, screaming in the microphone. He clearly wasn’t a professional. “Karaoke? Really, Wynonna?”

“Got a problem with karaoke? I happen to know how much you love to sing, baby girl. But we’re not here to sing.” The oldest Earp assured her sister.

“I’ll have a whiskey. “ Waverly said to the man behind the bar, and he nodded in acknowledgement.

“Are you sure you want to drink?” Wynonna held up a finger to indicate that she’d have one too.

“If I have to listen to music like this all night, I’m sure.” Waverly took a sip of her drink and followed Wynonna to a talk. “I still don’t understand why we’re here.”

Wynonna looked at her watch and then up at the stage. “You’ll see.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” She groaned, taking a seat at a table at the back of the room. 

“Drink your drink, Waverly.” Waverly did as she was told, and took another sip of her drink.

She scanned the bar, still trying to understand why they were there. It was too dark for her to really see anything though. The main lights in the room were over the bar and pointed at the stage, with smaller more dimly lit lights scattered around the place.

The man who was singing finished and everyone clapped. As he made his way off the stage, Waverly stood up.

“Sit your ass back down.”

“I have to go to the bathroom, Wynonna.” Waverly turned but she didn’t have a chance to take a step when she heard it. She’d know that voice anywhere.

“ _When you got off work at five, I’d be the first thing on your mind_.”

Waverly slowly turned and sat in one smooth motion, her eyes locked on the stage.

“ _And if I wasn’t where you thought I’d be, you’d drive around til you found me._ ”

_Nicole_.

“ _If it took all night._ ”

_Nicole_.

The redhead was standing on the stage, both hands on the microphone, singing. Waverly had heard her sing before but this was an entirely new experience. This wasn't in the car or in the shower, or dancing around the house while doing housework. This was raw and beautiful and Waverly's breath caught in her throat. 

“ _You’d press me to your lips, say you never felt like this. And I’d be all you need. And you’d get drunk on me_.”

Waverly was suddenly so grateful for the darkness of the bar because she couldn’t look away and the last thing she wanted was for Nicole to see her there.

“She come-“ Wynonna started, her voice low.

“Shhhhh.” Waverly waved her hand at her sister.

“ _Maybe if I was a neon light, I’d lead your car right back to my door_.”

Waverly didn’t want to talk. She wanted to watch Nicole and take in every word she sang.

“ _Oh, maybe if I was a jukebox needle dropping on a drinking song, you’d want one more_.”

Her mouth was dry and she could feel the goosebumps spreading over her body, not a single inch of her skin was left unscathed as she took in all that Nicole was.

_“If my name was Whiskey, maybe right now you’d miss me.”_

Waverly let her eyes drop to her drink, but only for a moment and then they were back on Nicole.

_“Maybe right now you’d miss me.“_

Could this song be about her?

“ _You might try a different fix, a stronger shot, a harder mix_.”

Nicole shifted her weight on the stage and Waverly knew this wasn’t the first time the redhead had done this.

“ _But they wouldn’t get you baby_ ”

_Baby_.

_“And if everyone you know said you ought to let me go, you’d tell ‘em they were crazy, so crazy.”_

Waverly had never heard this song before but it fit the redhead so well. Her voice was like liquid velvet and Waverly felt like she was going to drown in it.

And she would go willingly.

Nicole stepped back from the microphone for a moment and just let the music play, her eyes still closed. And Waverly felt like she was seeing her for the first time

Waverly wondered if she’d be able to see her if her eyes were open. She wondered what Nicole would do, if they’d lock eyes and the redhead would keep singing, singing to her.

“ _Maybe if I was your last call, my heart wouldn’t be like glass all over the floor_.”

Nicole’s voice cracked with emotion and Waverly felt it in her heart.

_“Oh, maybe if I was a jukebox needle dropping on a drinking song, then you’d want one more.”_

“We should go, baby girl.” Wynonna pulled on Waverly’s arm.

_“If my name was Whiskey...”_

“I don’t want to go.”

_“Maybe right now you’d miss me... “_

“You don’t want her to see you here.”

“ _You never would’ve quit me...”_

Waverly stood up and followed Wynonna to the door. She stopped for a moment, stealing one last glance at Nicole.

“ _If my name was Whiskey... “_

The light on the stage dimmed and Waverly ducked out the door.

“Why did you bring me here?” Once outside, Waverly repeated her earlier question.

“You needed to see that she doesn’t hate you.”

“That wasn’t-“ Waverly started, climbing into the passenger seat.

“About you? Of course it was.” Wynonna chuckled, pushing the key into the ignition.

“Does she know you come here?”

“No! And if you tell her-“

“I won’t. God, I won’t, Wynonna. It’s not like we tell each other everything anymore.”

“Well, that’s fucking obvious.” Wynonna sighed, pulling out of the parking lot. “I came here when I broke the curse. I just needed to get out yknow... And be with people who didn’t know me.”

“She’s never told you she comes here?”

“Nope. I think it was the same for her. She wanted to grieve... you around people who didn’t know her, didn’t know you.” Wynonna placed a hand over Waverly’s, but kept her eyes on the road. “Didn’t know the two of you.”

“Her voice sounded so sad, Wynonna.”.

“It’s the same every time. I’ve followed her here a few times, she comes once a month... Always the same song.”

“I’ve never heard it before. It’s really beautiful, sad.”

_Just like Nicole._

Waverly leaned her head against the window, closed her eyes and squeezed her sisters hand.

  
______________________________________________

 

The days that followed passed slowly for Waverly.

She avoided the town and spent all her time between the homestead and Gus’s.

When she was on her own, she’d sit with her eyes closed and she was suddenly back in the bar in the next town over, watching Nicole. Goosebumps would spread over her skin at the memory. And then their eyes would lock, for the briefest moment and Waverly would see the sadness there and it would send her crashing back to reality.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Wynonna.”

They were standing in front of Shorty’s, in the cool night air.

“I can’t not go, baby girl. It’s a cop thing.”

“A cop thing? Exactly.”

“You can’t stay couped up in the homestead for the rest of the time you’re here.”

_I can’t see Nicole. I’m not ready,_ she wanted to say. 

“Well, I can.” Waverly faced her sister. “Can I just-“

“No, you can’t just. Look, it’s just a couple of drinks. Just be nice.”

“I’m always nice. I got a sash remember?”

“That was old Waverly.” Wynonna laughed and opened the door.

“I’m still that Waverly.” She moved to stand beside her sister, who gave her the same look she’d given her outside of the bar a few days earlier. “Yeah, I’m not buying it either.”

Waverly breathed in deeply as she stepped through the doors. She scanned the room, looking for a booth or a corner she could hide in.

_Nicole_.

Her eyes fixed on the redhead and everything else seemed to blur. She was standing with some people Waverly had seen at the station, beer in hand, smile on her face. 

“You just gonna block the doorway?” Wynonna said, startling her.

“What? No. Let’s get a-“ Waverly looked at the bar, at the beautiful brunette standing behind it.

_Of course_.

“Yeah, let’s get a drink.” Wynonna grabbed Waverly by the arm and pulled her toward the bar. “Two whiskeys, please, Rosita.”

“Sure thing, Earp. Hi, Waverly.” Rosita flashed her a quick smile before turning and reaching for two glasses.

“She calls you Earp?” Waverly whispered into her sisters ear.

“Everyone calls me that."

“Here you go.” Rosita smiled again, placing the glasses in front of the girls.

“Thank you.” Waverly smiled back.

Waverly watched the girl on the other side of the bar for a long moment. She seemed to have a good report with the customers. Which isn’t necessarily difficult when you work in the only bar in a small town., but Rosita seemed genuinely interested in the conversations she was having with the people she poured drinks for.

Waverly watched her move around the bar and take people’s orders with a smile and a sparkle in her eye, and she understood in that moment how Nicole could fall for her.

And somehow that made Waverly feel worse.

“Come on, lets go mingle.” Wynonna said, before taking a dip of her drink.

“Did you really just say mingle?” Waverly laughed and followed her sister.

“Waverly!”

“Hi, Champ.”

This night couldn’t possibly get any more awkward. Nicole, Rosita and now Champ all in the same room.

“You’re still here.” He grinned.

“Great detective work right there.” Champ chuckled, and Waverly smiled softly.

“I’m just tying up some loose ends before I go.”

“Right, right. But you’ll come back to visit right?”

“Yeah,” Waverly nodded slowly, but the truth is she wasn’t sure she wanted to come back.

Purgatory had moved on from her. She hadn’t expected people’s lives to stop just because she left but she wasn’t sure how she fit in anymore. And even though she knew that a part of Nicole still mourned her, it didn’t mean anything when the redhead had Rosita.

Waverly’s eyes drifted around the room as Champ spoke, until they fell on Nicole.

Nicole who was now leaning against the bar, talking and smiling to Rosita.

_Her Rosita_.

The way that Waverly used to be _her Waverly_.

“That shade of green doesn’t suit you, baby girl.” Wynonna whispered into Waverly’s ear, before facing Champ. She gave him a small nod, “Champ.”

“Wynonna.”

“Do you think I could have a minute with my sister?” He smiled and nodded before walking away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Waverly finally replied, her eyes still locked on the couple at the bar.

“What are you doing, baby girl?”

“I dont-“

“Know what I mean,” Wynonna finished the younger girls reply, and moved to face her, blocking her view of Nicole. “I know. But _what are you doing_?”

“I just... I can’t get that song out of my head. I wish you’d never taken me there.”

“Why?”

“Because I heard it, I heard her pain and I saw her pain and now I get to see this.” Waverly nodded in the direction of the bar.

“Oh Baby girl, Rosita is-“

“Don’t tell me she’s lovely, Wynonna. Or that she’s good for Nicole.”

_Because I might just die if I hear it_.

“Do you want to get-“

“Back together? No.” Waverly slowly shook her head, but she was sure her eyes were betraying her and telling Wynonna what was written on her heart.

“Look, I only took you to the bar so you could fix it. You can’t leave and leave things this way, baby girl. If not for you, if not for Nicole, then for me.”

“For you?”

“She’s my partner, Waves. And my friend. And while I hate seeing you sad, I don’t want to see Nicole sad either. And I know that you two not being OK, makes her sad.”

“OK. For you.” Waverly slowly nodded and took a deep breath.

This was it.

She was going to talk to Nicole.

She was going to fix things.

She just wished she knew how. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... Any ideas on how Waves is gonna fix things?
> 
> I wasn't entirely sure how to write a singing scene... So I'm not sure if it works entirely.
> 
> The song is "If My Name Was Whiskey" but Carley Pearce for anyone who wants to know. Her music is beautiful and makes me feel all kinds of things in my heart.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Two chapters in one week? What is happening?
> 
> Thank you to everyone that keeps coming back to my angsty corner of the site. I really appreciate everyone of your comments.

Chapter Seven.

 

“Waverly’s coming over.” Rosita whispered unnecessarily because Nicole could sense it.

She could feel the girl getting closer the same way she’d felt her eyes on her all night. The same way she's felt her since they'd met. 

Nicole just gave a small nod, not at all ready for whatever Waverly was about to unleash on her.

“I’ll let you two talk.” Rosita added with a small smile, before rushing off to the other end of the bar.

“She didn’t have to leave.” Waverly whispered as she stepped next to Nicole.

“She wanted to let us talk.” Nicole slowly faced the shorter girl.

“Yeah, we should do that. Nicole, I-“

“I don’t want to fight, Waverly.” Nicole sighed.

Waverly could see the sadness in Nicole’s eyes and hated herself for a moment because she knew she was the cause. She had done that.

“No, I don’t want to fight either.” She glanced around the bar. “But can we go somewhere else? I don’t want to talk here.”

“Yeah, ok. Just give me a second.” Nicole smiled softly before walking toward Rosita.

Waverly watched her lean in and whisper something in Rosita’s ear before placing a quick kiss to the brunettes lips.

Waverly felt her skin crawl. Not because it had been Rosita, but because Nicole had kissed someone who wasn't her. She hadn't known exactly how unprepared to see it she was until it was too late.

Not wanting Nicole to see that she had been looking, Waverly turned back to the bar.

“So, where do you want to go?” Nicole asked a moment later.

“Can we just walk for a bit?”

Nicole nodded with a smile before walking to the door.

_______________________________

 

They walked in silence for a long while, neither of them really sure where to start.

Nicole hated this strain and silence that hung between them now. Conversation used to be so easy. They could talk about everything, anything and nothing for hours on end. Even when stories were repeated, Nicole never felt bored. She was always in awe of the brunette, eagerly hanging onto every word that tumbled from her lips.

By the end of the week that followed their first meeting, she'd lost track of how often she'd lost herself in Waverly's eyes, the way they wrinkled at the sides when she laughed or a smile took over her face. 

To say that Waverly Earp was beautiful would be an understatement. The word beautiful paled in comparison to how Nicole saw her. Even now, after all they had been through, Nicole found it difficult to think around Waverly. To breathe.

Waverly knew she needed to be the one to speak first, to break the silence. The guilt of all she had done to Nicole, the pain she knew Nicole felt was crushing her. But she didn’t want to fix things with the redhead just to alleviate her own suffering. She wanted to fix things for Nicole. She wanted to take away her pain.

“Nicole.” She whispered softly.

“Waverly.”

They were in a park when they finally stopped and faced each other.

“I’m so sorry, Nicole.” Her voice cracked.

“Wave-“

“No. I need to say this. Please, just let me say it. You need to really hear it. I am... God, I am so sorry.” Waverly turned and walked to the nearby bench and sat down.

Nicole watched her for a moment. Waverly’s gaze was fixed on her hands. 

The redhead sighed softly and moved to sit beside her.

“I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I was...such a coward.”

“Yeah, you were.” Waverly looked at Nicole, and was relieved to see a small grin on her lips.

“Nice.” The brunette chuckled softly.

“Can’t let you off too easy, can I?”

Waverly sighed and lowered her eyes back to her hands. Saying all she needed to say was hard enough without Nicole smiling at her, making it easier on her. The way she always had.

“I just didn’t know how to face you after I found that letter.”

“I-“

“I know why you wrote it now. But in the moment... I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you.”

“I know you are.”

“No. You can’t possibly know. I was horrible, and you were just trying to be there for me.”

“It’s my job.”

_It’s my job._

“I broke everything. I broke... “ Waverly slowly lifted her eyes to meet Nicole’s. “you. I broke you, Nicole. You who did nothing and _everything_.”

“I’m OK, Waves.”

 _Waves_.

She thought she might lose it in that moment. Nicole using the pet name had always made her heart flutter, but in that moment she’d never felt so undeserving of the happiness she felt when the name fell from Nicole's lips. 

“Don’t do that. I don’t deserve for you to... You shouldn’t be nice to me.”

“I shouldn’t be nice to you?”

“I did this, Nicole. This is all on me and I blamed you. I ruined _everything_ , I ruined us and you’re only ok because of... “ Waverly let her voice trail and lowered her eyes back to her hands.

“Because of Rosita?” Nicole whispered, and Waverly felt herself physically tense up at the name.

She hadn’t meant to and she hoped Nicole hadn’t noticed.

If her and Nicole had any chance of building some sort of friendship going forward, they needed to be honest with each other.

“I just mean... “

“Waverly,” Nicole shifted so she was facing the younger girl. “Look at me.”

“I can’t”

Nicole could hear the emotion in Waverly’s voice and she knew that her eyes would be full of tears.

“ _Please_.” The word was a whispered plea, and Waverly slowly lifted her head.

“I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry. I was young and stupid and it was a hard time but none of that should’ve even touched what we were. I just pushed you away.”

“Oh, Waves.”

 _Waves_.

Nicole slowly lifted her hand and wiped at the tears on Waverly’s cheek. Her hand lingered a moment longer than it should have and Waverly turned into the touch.

“I... I just... “ Waverly had so much more to say but she couldn’t find the words. What could she possibly say to fix it. “I’m glad you’re happy, Nicole.”

Nicole dropped her hand, and watched as Waverly followed its decent with her eyes.

“Thank you.” Green eyes snapped back to meet brown ones.

“Thank you?” Waverly could feel the panic rising in her.

She couldn’t bare the thought of Nicole thanking her for pushing her away and into Rosita’s arms. She knew it was something she had to accept, but that would still take time. And God, she needed time. 

“Yeah, thank you.” Nicole smiled softly. “For saying what you said.”

“I meant every word.” Waverly blinked back her tears and smiled weakly.

Waverly looked into Nicole’s eyes for a long moment, hoping to see the forgiveness she so desperately sought.

She could see a flash of something, but wasn’t quite sure what it was. Until she saw Nicole’s eyes drop to her lips and linger for a second, before rising back to her eyes.

Waverly mirrored the action, and felt her own breath catch in her throat. It wouldn’t take much, just a few centimetres and she could close the distance between them.

Nicole unconsciously ran the tip of her tongue between her lips, when she saw Waverly drop her gaze to them. If she just..

She couldn’t.

She _shouldn't_. 

Nicole sighed and straightened on the bench, facing the darkness the enveloped the park. She closed her eyes briefly as she heard a sigh escape Waverly’s lips.

“Waves?”

“Yeah, Nicole?”

“Do you think we can... Do you think we can try and be friends?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want, Nicole.”

  
____________________________

 

It was well after midnight by the time Nicole slid her key into the front door of her apartment.

There was a dim light coming from the bedroom, and Nicole knew that Rosita was waiting for her inside.

She slowly made her way to the bedroom, but didn’t enter. Instead, she stood in the doorway and watched the brunette turn the page of whatever book she was reading.

“You’re starring.”

“I’m admiring.”

“It’s creepy.” Nicole chuckled as she made her way to the bed.

“How was the rest of your night? Did I miss anything exciting?”

“Everyone at Shorty’s was well behaved.”

 _Everyone at Shorty’s_?

“We should talk, Nicole.” Rosita closed her book and placed it on her blanket covered lap.

 _Oh God_ , _Rosita was thinking that..._

Nicole couldn’t blame Rosita for thinking that something had happened with Waverly. She had already confessed, or attempted to confess to kissing her after their dinner. It made sense that Rosita would think that something had happened after seeing Nicole leave with Waverly.

“Nothing happened, Rosita.” Nicole tried to reassure her, moving to the bed quickly then, and sitting down beside the brunette.

“I believe you.”

“Really?” Nicole let out a hopeful sigh.

“I believe that nothing happened, but I think you wanted it to.”

“Rosita... “ Nicole closed her eyes then. “I... “

Nicole didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie to Rosita. The brunette deserved the truth, but Nicole couldn’t quite bring herself to admit it.

“It’s ok, Nicole.”

“No, it’s not.” Nicole opened her eyes and looked at the other girl.

Rosita was beautiful and smart and kind and everything that Nicole wanted to want, but she wasn’t Waverly.

“No, it’s not.” Rosita sighed.

“Nothing happened, you need to know that.”

“I should’ve taken you away on a holiday when I heard she was coming back.” Rosita chuckled. “Not that that would’ve made a difference right?”

Nicole wanted to say it would’ve made a difference. She wanted to assure Rosita that had she been on the other side of the country, or the world to Waverly that they would’ve stood a chance. But Nicole knew there was no point in arguing the point. Rosita seemed to already know what was written on the redheads heart. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I hate that this is hurting you.”

“I’m a big girl, Nicole.”

“I know, I just... “

“I’m not going to beg you or fight about it. It wouldn’t accomplish anything.”

“How are you so ok about this?” Rosita let out a strained chuckle.

“I may be using her as a punching bag in my head.”

“That’s... “ Nicole snickered. “Probably fair. I don’t want you to think that you’ve done anything wrong. I have... I have enjoyed this so much. I could’ve fa... She’s just-“

“Waverly.” Rosita looked away from Nicole as she whispered the brunettes name. “I should go.”

Nicole tilted her head slightly and a tear ran down her cheek.

She hated that she was hurting Rosita. It went against everything she stood for.

Her job was to help people, to make situations better and she just wanted to make it better. She wished she could make it better for everyone.

Instead, she watched in silence as Rosita slipped from the bed and then room.

She released the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding when she heard the front door open and then close.

_Now what?_

________________________________________________

  
“You still sure you need to do this, Waverly?”

Waverly looked at her Aunt for a moment, before turning back to the street in front of them.

“Yeah, I do. I think it’s time.”

“But you’ll keep in touch this time, yes?”

Waverly wrapped her arm around her Aunt and pulled her close.

“Of course.” The brunette smiled softly. “But we’ve still got time.”

“Nicole!” Gus smiled and the women came to a stop.

Waverly looked at Nicole and her heart felt full. The pain and sadness was going. _Almost_. 

“Hi, Gus.” Nicole smiled sweetly at Gus before meeting Waverly’s eye. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Waverly smiled.

“I’m so glad you two are talking again. I would’ve hated For Waverly to leave and you two-“

“You’re leaving?” Nicole's smile faded and her brow creased. 

“I... Uh...” Waverly stammered.

She had every intention of telling Nicole that she was leaving, she just needed to prepare herself for it.

“I’ll just give you two a chance to talk.” Gus kissed Waverly’s cheek before walking passed Nicole.

_More talking._

“I... “

“Were you even going to tell me? Were you even going to say goodbye?”

“Of course!” Waverly took a step closer to Nicole. “I just needed to work out how I was going to do that... To say goodbye to you.”

“Right... “ Nicole suddenly felt her whole body tense up.

She wondered for a moment if it was worth telling Waverly that her and Rosita had broken up. She couldn’t help thinking that maybe Waverly would stay.

“I’m still here for another day or so, so I had every intention of working up the courage to come and say goodbye.”

“The courage?”

_It’s not easy to be brazen, when the thing you want, that scares you to death, is sitting right in front of you._

_I scare you._

_Yes, yes you do. Because I don’t want to be friends._

“Yeah, it’s you, Nicole. I don't know how to say goodbye." 

 _Then don’t_.

“Waverly, I-“

“It helps though, knowing that there’s no loose ends. There aren’t any, right?”

“Right. No loose ends.” Nicole nodded softly. “Travel safe, Waverly.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me! I promise a WayHaught reunion is end game but we aren't at the end yet, so...


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeyyyy....
> 
> So, y'all ready for some more?
> 
> I'd just like to thank everyone who is still here despite the punches to the guts.
> 
> Y'all make me feel super special.

**Chapter Eight**

  
“So you’re just leaving?” There was anger in Wynonna voice, bitterness. “Just like that?”

“In the next day or so, but yeah.” Waverly turned to face her sister. “That was always the plan, Wynonna.”

Wynonna was leaning against the door frame to the kitchen, arms folded tightly across her chest. Waverly could see the hurt in her sisters eyes. She could remember so many time where she stood in almost the same position and begged Wynonna not to leave. But the older sister never listened.

Waverly knew better than to point out Wynonna hypocrisy.

“Well, that plan is stupid.”

“Wyno-“

“Nope. Don’t Wynonna me.” She moved to sit at the kitchen table. “It’s a stupid plan and you know it. You belong here.”

Waverly sighed. She knew that when it came time for her to leave Wynonna wasn’t going to be over the moon about it, but she thought the older woman understood and accepted it.

“I’ve got a job to go back to.”

“You can get a job here. I’ll hire you.”

“You don’t have the power to do that.” Waverly chuckled. “And besides, I’m not a cop.”

“What is it that you do in Chicago anyway?”

“I-“ Waverly slowly made her way to the table and sat opposite her sister.

“Oh, wait, you told me. You’re a librarian, right?” Wynonna snorted.

“No. I own a bookstore. I even have a few staff. They’re all very nice. But I own it. As in I’m the boss.”

“OK, I get it.” Wynonna rolled her eyes. “They have books here, yknow.”

“Wynonna!”

“I just don’t understand why you have to go.”

“I don’t understand why you think I can stay.”

“Stop making everything about Nicole.” Wynonna snapped.

 _But everything is about Nicole_.

“I’m not.” Waverly bit back, feeling her face go red.

She wasn’t sure if it was out of anger at Wynonna for calling her out on it or at herself for allowing it to be true. Somehow every decision that Waverly had made since meeting Nicole had been about her, directly or not.

“You lived here just fine without her, before you knew her.”

“I know.” Waverly whispered. She didn’t see the point in trying to convince Wynonna that it wasn’t about Nicole. “Why do you always have to push?”

“I just care about you, baby girl. And I miss you when you’re not here.” Wynonna stretched her arm across the table and squeezed Waverly’s arm.

“I know. I miss you too.” Waverly smiled weakly. “But I can’t stay.”

_______________________________________

  
“Are you ok?”

“Of course.” Nicole sighed but didn’t look up from the paperwork in front of you.

“OK...because you’ve been looking at the same page for half an hour now.”

“I said I’m fine, Wynonna.” Nicole snapped.

“OK.”

Nicole sighed and ran a hand through her own hair, finally raising her gaze to meet her partners.

“I’m sorry.” Wynonna nodded and smiled, silently accepting her partners apology.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Nicole shifted in her chair slightly, “I don’t know, Wynonna. I don’t know if that’s a great idea.”

“Nicole, how many times do I have to tell you that this,” Wynonna paused, using her hand to move between the two of them. “That you, mean a lot to me.”

“I know and you mean a lot to me, too.” Nicole pushed herself from her desk and stood up. “But you’re Waverly’s sister first.”

Nicole didn’t give her partner time to respond before turning and walking out of the office.

She wasn’t sure where she was headed, but she needed to be out of the office. Normally when she was feeling down, she’d head to Shorty’s to see Rosita. And while Rosita seemed to take their breakup well, she knew that there was still a part of the brunette that would be hurting, and she didn’t want to add to that.

Nicole wasn’t sure that Shorty’s was the best place for her right now either. She was on duty and as sensible as she was, she really felt like she needed a drink. Or many drinks. 

She was about to step off the curb to cross the street when she stopped and watched a green eyed brunette open the door and slip into Shorty’s saloon.

“Damnit.”

  
___________________________________________

  
_You can do this,_ Waverly repeated over and over to herself as she made her way to the bar.

Nicole wasn’t the only one in town that Waverly felt like she needed to apologise to. She wasn’t sure how much Rosita knew, but the brunette had been nothing but nice to Waverly since she’d arrived in town.

Waverly was relieved that it was the middle of the afternoon and the bar was almost empty.

“Waverly, hi.”

“Hi.” Waverly smiled and slid onto a stool.

“Nicole isn’t here and I –“

“I came to see you.” Waverly cut her off. “To apologise.”

“You really don’t need to, Waverly.” Rosita smiled weakly, as she carried on stacking glasses ready for the busy night ahead.

“I do. I don’t know what you know but I assume...that what you do know you learnt from more than just an old photograph.” Waverly nodded toward the photo that Rosita had pointed out the first time they’d met.

“You’re not wrong.” Rosita chuckled. “I heard you were smart.”

“Yeah, sometimes I’m not so sure.” Waverly smiled back.

“Can’t control everything, doesn’t mean you’re not smart.” Rosita placed a small glass of dark liquid on the bar in front of Waverly.

“I didn’t order.” Waverly pointed to the glass.

“You look like you could use a drink.”

“You have no idea.” Waverly held the glass in her hands.

“I have some idea.”

Waverly raised her eyebrows and smiled as Rosita poured herself a glass.

She clinked the glasses together and both women downed the liquid. Rosita poured Waverly another drink before moving to the sink to rinse her own glass.

“You should know that I’m sorry, Rosita.”

“For?”

“Not respecting your relationship with Nicole. I mean, nothing happened-“ Waverly stopped short because something had happened. Of course something had happened. “Actually-“

“I’m going to need you to stop right there.”

 _She knew. Of course she knew_.

“Uh... “

“Nicole and I... We broke up, Waverly.”

“Oh. Was it because of me?”

“Yes, and definitely not no.” Rosita chuckled.

_Of course it had been because of her._

A wave of guilt washed over the brunette and she swallowed the contents of her glass.

“I’m so sorry, Rosita. I didn’t mean to come between you two. And you’ve been so nice to me.”

“The way I see it is I could cry and beg her to stay but I still need to live here and that’d just make things really awkward for me when she chose you anyway.” There was a slight bitterness to the end of what Rosita said, and Waverly couldn’t blame her. “I just need to know one thing.”

“Anything.” Waverly nodded hesitantly, unsure of what to expect but knowing that she owed Rostia the answer to whatever her question was. 

She watched Rosita take a deep breath which only served to make her more nervous.

“Do you love her? Because I think –“

The question caught Waverly off guard, but she was quick to answer. “Yes.”

And it was the truth. She hadn’t been able to admit it to herself before that moment, not really, but of course it was the truth.

“OK.” Rosita sighed and nodded. “You should tell her.”

“I don’t-“

“Waverly, look, I don’t really know you, but I know a fair bit about you. About your relationship with Nicole. And this can’t all have been for nothing.”

“Why are you being so nice? You should hate me.”

“Who’s to say I don’t?” Rosita waited just long enough for the colour to drain from Waverly’s face before she grinned.

“Oh, I guess I deserved that.” Waverly chuckled, sliding off the stool. “I really am sorry for everything.”

Waverly turned and headed to the door.

“She loves you, too.” Rosita called after her.

Waverly stopped for a moment. She considered turning around but what more could she say? She knew it can’t have been easy for Rosita to tell her that, but she wasn’t sure what she could offer the other girl in return for her kindness.

She slowly turned to face the bar, still trying to figure out what to say as she moved. Relief passed over her when she saw the bar was empty. Rosita must’ve slipped out the back. Waverly smiled weakly into the empty bar before turning and walking out the door.

Once Waverly was back on the street, she pulled out her cell phone and scrolled through her contacts. She hit the green call button and put the phone to her ear.

“Hey. We need to talk.”

  
___________________________________________

  
“How’d... Uh... How’d you say you found this place again?” Nicole eyed the bar as Wynonna pulled into the parking lot.

“I just heard about it.” Wynonna shrugged, getting out of the car.

Nicole slowly opened her door and stepped into the cool night air.

_Surely this was a dream..._

_A nightmare even..._

“And you’ve never been here?”

“Maybe I’ve been here. I’ve been lots of places, Nicole.” Wynonna grinned and tossed the car keys at Nicole.

“Why?” Nicole asked, holding the keys in the air. “Planning on having a few are ya?”

“It is a bar, Nicole.”

“Right.” Nicole slipped the keys into her jacket pocket and moved to the front of the car, her attention turning back to the bar. Lifting her hand and pointing at the building in front of them she asked, “Why?”

“I just thought we could use a night out.”

“A night out at karaoke?” Nicole looked at Wynonna, brow raised.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with karaoke, Nicole? You’re acting weird.”

“I’m acting weird? You’re acting weird. You don’t sing, Wynonna.”

“No, but I drink. And this is a bar. We can leave if you want.”

“Well, actually-“

“We’re not leaving.” Wynonna cut her off and started for the door.

“But...” Nicole sighed.

“Come on.” Nicole sighed again but obeyed.

Surely it was just a coincidence that Wynonna had stumbled across her bar.

Nicole had spent so many nights on the stage inside these walls grieving the love she’d lost, grieving Waverly, that she’d felt like this place was hers. It had helped to keep her safe and sane when she’d needed it most, so she couldn’t help but feel uneasy that Wynonna had somehow found this place.

Nicole stepped into the darkness and the feeling in her stomach worsened. Perhaps a drink would help.

Wynonna was already leaning against the bar.

 _Of course_.

“You were here the o-“ The bartender started but Wynonna was quick to cut him off when she saw Nicole approaching.

“Just a whiskey for me and a... “ She eyed Nicole.

“Beer.”

“And a beer for my friend here.” The bartender was clearly confused, but happily played along.

“Thank you.” Nicole smiled and immediately lifted the beer to her mouth, swallowing half the glass.

“Thirsty?” Wynonna chuckled.

Of course she knew why Nicole felt so uneasy. This was _her_ bar, _her_ safe place. She didn’t know that Wynonna knew about it and Wynonna hated lying to her. But it’s what you do for family, right?

“Something like that.”

“We should sit.” Wynonna started to walk to an empty table when Nicole reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Look, if it’s alright with you, I’m gonna go. I’ve got the keys and I’ll come-“

“What? No. You can’t leave.” Wynonna scrambled to find a reason why the redhead needed to stay.

“Wynonna, I’m just not feeling –“

“Look, this isn’t about you, alright? I need some time away from things with my partner.” Wynonna was surprised at how true her words actually were.

She’d grown close to Nicole in Waverly’s absence, and she’d definitely felt the tension that hung over them because of the younger Earp presence.

“OK, ok.” Nicole nodded slowly and gave in. “I’m just going to get another drink”

Wynonna nodded and kept her eyes locked on the redhead as she made her way to the bar. She was ready to jump and run after her if Nicole tried to leave.

 _This had better work_ , Wynonna thought.

She smiled at Nicole as the redhead returned to their table. And as if perfectly timed, the lights dimmed over the stage as one act finished and the next one stepped onto the stage.

Wynonna held her breath, looking from Nicole to the stage, and then back to the redhead. She watched the colour drain from her partner – if that was even possible with how pale her skin was.

_Waverly._

_This definitely had to be a nightmare._

_Or a dream._

Nicole couldn’t decide if seeing Waverly on stage about to sing was one of the best moments of her life or one of the worst.

This was _her_ bar.

_This was her Waverly._

Except Waverly was no longer hers. And the way she saw it now, neither was the bar. This was no longer her safe place. She would no longer be able to come here to grieve Waverly. Nicole knew that she would see Waverly anytime she stepped up to the microphone. And it wouldn’t be their memories that would flood into her mind. It would be this very moment. It would be Waverly standing in the middle of the stage, arms at her sides, her green eyes boring into Nicole’s brown ones.

Soft music started to play and Nicole suddenly felt like she was going to vomit. She couldn’t pull her eyes from Waverly’s. But she needed to. She needed to look away.

And as Waverly stepped closer to the microphone, Nicole not only tore her eyes away, but spun her entire body around.

She needed air.

“Nicole.” Wynonna stood and called after her partner. But it was too late.

Nicole was gone.

Waverly was after her in a second, Wynonna following closely behind.

“Nicole!” Waverly called as they stepped into the cool night air, but her cry was no match for the roar of the car engine and Nicole drove out of the car park. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry, baby girl. I didn’t think she’d leave.”

“This wasn’t how it was meant to be, Wynonna.” Waverly ran her hands through her hair. “Fuck.”

“What do you want to do?”

Waverly looked at her sister. 

“I'm going to go after her." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... If I promise fluff and stuff is coming real soon does that make up for what just happened?


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.

**Chapter Nine**

  
“I have to go after her.” Waverly spun around and walked toward a row of parked cars, digging a set of car keys out of her pocket as she walked.

She stopped and stared at them.

“What are you going to say?” Wynonna was beside her in a second.

“I don’t....” Waverly was still looking at the cars.

Where was the car?

“What are you going to do?”

Waverly spun around and headed for another row of cars. “I-“

“What does this mean, baby girl?” Wynonna asked, following closely behind her sister.

“I don’t know, Wynonna. I just...” Waverly stopped again. “Where the fuck did I park?”

Wynonna took the keys from her sister, held them up and pressed the button. Lights flashed on a car to their left.

Wynonna chuckled softly, holding the keys out for Waverly.

“Thank you.” Smiling, Waverly took the keys and started toward the car.

"Can't have you losing Gus's car."

Waverly managed five steps before she stopped.

“Baby girl?”

“She was mad, Wynonna. What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“Nicole Haught will always open the door for you. No matter what.”

“Maybe" Waverly nodded softly. 

"Definitely."

And it was true. No matter how angry or hurt Nicole was she would always open the door for a Waverly. The real problem was that Waverly had no idea what she was going to do when Nicole did open the door.

She climbed into the driver’s seat and jumped slightly when the passenger side door opened. Wynonna slid into the passenger seat and smiled.

“Wanna drop me at the homestead on the way?”

“It’s not really on the way, Wynonna,” Waverly pushed the key into the ignition and started the car. “But of course.”

“Sweet. I don’t really want to be...”

Waverly knew her sister was still talking but she couldn’t hear her anymore. She couldn’t focus on anything but the road in front of her and where it was taking her.

She needed to fix this with Nicole. She wasn’t exactly sure how she was going to do that. Her master plan was to serenade her but Nicole had run out before she’d been able to sing a single word.

“... I think she’ll... “

She didn’t know how to fix this, or what they would become once it was fixed. They’d been through a lot, both together and apart, but Waverly knew with every fibre of her being that she wouldn’t be happy just being Nicole’s friend.

_I don't want to be friends._

_When I think about what I want to do most in this world, it's you._

“Waverly!”

“Hm?”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“No, I’m really not." It was blunt, but true. "Right now all I can think about is how I’m going to fix this.” 

“Just be honest with her. Tell her what you want.” Waverly glanced at her sister quickly before returning her attention to the road and darkness that surrounded them.

“And what do I want?” Waverly asked. She wasn’t sure if her question was for Wynonna or herself.

“Only you can answer that, baby girl.” Wynonna replied. “But you’ll have to figure it out quick because we’re here.”

Waverly pulled the car to a stop in front of Nicole’s apartment building.

How did that...

“I was meant to take you to the homestead.” Waverly whispered, her eyes locked on the building.

“My cars here,” Wynonna tapped on the glass in the direction of her car. “which means Nicole is. So, I’ll take this and you can get the keys of Nicole for my car. That way you’re not stuck if things... “

“Thank you.” Waverly finally looked at Wynonna.  “Thank you.”

The sisters climbed out of the car and walked to the front. Waverly handed Wynonna the car keys before wrapping her arms around her sister. The older Earp wrapped her arms around her sister tightly.

“It’ll be alright.” She whispered into Waverly’s hair.

The smaller girl stepped back and nodded.

“I know.” But she didn’t know. How could she know? How could it be alright after...

Waverly watched her sister start to drive away before she slowly made her way up the stairs.

She took a deep breath as her eyes landed on Nicole’s front door.

  
__________________________________________________

  
Nicole sat on the couch in her apartment, staring at the black screen of her television.

Waverly had been in _her_ bar.

On _her_ stage.

She wondered what song Waverly had chosen to sing. Waverly had a phenomenal voice and it had always made Nicole’s heart swell. Part of her had wanted to stay and listen to whatever song she’d chosen, but she knew it would’ve made it impossible to deny what she needed to deny, to push to the back of her mind.

Nicole loved Waverly Earp.

She loved her from the moment she saw her and every moment since. Even with everything that had happened Nicole still loved Waverly. But what was the point when the brunette was just going to leave? What was the point in the song when Waverly was just –

Nicole shifted her gaze from the TV screen to the door as a soft knock sent her crashing back to reality. She slowly stood up and walked over to the door. Looking through the peep-hole, she sighed, before opening the door.

“Wave-“

“How could you just run out like that?” Waverly pushed her way passed Nicole and into the redheads apartment.

Nicole sighed and slowly closed the door, leaning her head against it for a moment.

_How could she just run out?_

“How could I...” The redhead slowly turned around and faced Waverly.

“I was trying to.. And when I saw you sing I thought-“

“Wait.” Nicole suddenly felt as if her blood was boiling. “You saw me singing? When? How did you even know about that place, Waverly? No one kn- Oh, of course. Wynonna.”

“I just wanted to sing to you like you-“

“I didn’t sing to you, Waverly. I didn’t even know you were there!”

“I didn’t think it’d make you mad.”

“Mad?” Nicole scoffed, walking by the brunette. “What could I possibly have to be mad about? Oh, except that maybe I finally found something that was mine and now its not. You left and you came back and somehow everything is about you again.”

“That’s not fair!”

Nicole stood, eyes closed, her back to Waverly. She knew that Waverly was right. None of this was fair. But it wasn’t Waverly’s fault. At least not this part.

“No, it isn’t.” Nicole sighed. “I’m sorry. I just.. I don’t have anything that’s just mine.”

“I am.” It was a whisper said to the redheads back and Nicole almost missed it. _Almost_.

And in that moment Nicole was suddenly calmer.

“What? What did you –“ The taller woman slowly turned to face Waverly.

She’d heard her, but she wanted to hear it again. She needed to hear it again.

“I’m... I’m yours.”

 _I’m yours_.

“I’ve always been yours, Nicole. I.. I just forgot for a minute. I forgot how amazing you are. I forgot how much I love you and your hands and your lips and your eyes –“

“I never forgot.” Nicole whispered back.

“What?”

“I never forgot.” Nicole repeated, louder and took step closer to Waverly.

“No?”

“Not for a goddamn second.”

Nicole closed the distance between them then, capturing Waverly’s lips with her own.

The kiss was desperate and hungry, like they’d both been starving for so long and the other woman was exactly what they needed.

Nicole smoothed her thumbs over Waverly’s cheeks as she kissed her.

Instinctively Waverly’s hands dropped to Nicole’s hips, pulling her impossibly closer. She sighed into Nicole’s mouth as the redhead walked her backwards. The shorter girl moaned as her back hit the wall and that only encouraged Nicole to deepen the kiss.

Waverly felt Nicole’s tongue brush against her lips and granted it entry. A moan came from one of them, or both of them, neither was sure which. But it didn’t matter anyway. They both felt the urgency, the desire, the need.

When they finally parted, it was only because they so desperately needed air. Nicole leaned her forehead against Waverly’s. Her heart was pounding so rapidly in her chest that she was sure Waverly could feel it at every point of contact.

“What does this... What does this mean?” Nicole straightened and stepped back slightly, but kept her eyes locked on Waverly’s.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

 _Of course_.

Nicole nodded slowly.

“Do you remember the first time we kissed?”

_Like it was yesterday._

“Yes.”

“Do you remember our first ti-“

“I remember everything, Waverly. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“We’ve had a lot of firsts, Nicole.” Waverly smiled softly. “But there are so many more firsts for us to have. So this can’t be it. Our story can’t be over.”

“You want to try again?” Nicole could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

“No. I don’t want to try. I want this to work. And I will do anything.”

“Waverly...”

“Nicole, I fucked up. I know I hurt you, and I know I can never undo it. There’s nothing I’ll ever be able to do to make up for what I did, but I love you and I don’t want to live without you anymore.”

_I love you._

Nicole’s eyes closed as a tear ran down her cheek. She’d waited so long to hear those words from Waverly again, but she was completely unprepared for how she would feel when she finally did.

Waverly lifted her hand and wiped at the tear on the redheads cheek, and Nicole turned her face into the touch. She kissed Waverly’s palm, before opening her eyes and looking at the woman in front of her.

 _Waverly_.

 _Her Waverly_.

“OK.” Nicole whispered, her voice shaky.

“Yeah?” Waverly whispered back, and Nicole nodded her head.

Waverly breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, ducking her head. Nicole lifted her hand and placed her pointer finger under Waverly’s chin to lift her face until their eyes met.

“Waves, can I kiss you?”

 _Waves_.

Waverly nodded softly, and Nicole stepped closer and joined their lips, cupping the shorter girls face with both hands.

This time the kiss was soft and slow. Nicole’s lips barely grazed Waverly’s, but it caused all the hairs on her body to stand on end.

Waverly felt like the air had been knocked from her lungs as she let herself melt into the moment.

Nicole pushed Waverly flush against the wall. And that’s all it took for the heat to return. Without breaking their kiss, Nicole brought the shorter girls arms above her head. She held them there for a moment as she pulled back from Waverly’s lips and looked into her eyes.

She didn’t believe this was happening.

Kissing Waverly Earp had always felt like a dream to Nicole. She had always found herself melting into the smallest of kisses. She would happily kiss Waverly for hours, only breaking when she needed to breathe. And sometimes not even then. If she had to choose between oxygen and Waverly’s lips she knew the only reason she’d choose oxygen is because she needed to be alive to keep kissing Waverly.

But what a way to go if she ever found herself unable to pull away for air.

As Nicole smoothed her hands down her arms, Waverly lowered her own until they were draped over the taller girls shoulders and her hands were tangled in Nicole’s hair.

Nicole opened her mouth to speak, but Waverly shook her head slowly.

“Nicole, I know what you’re about to say.”

“You do?”

“Uh huh. And while I appreciate you asking if this is OK, if it’s OK for you to do something, I want you to know, that I am all yours.” Waverly watched Nicole swallow hard as her cheeks flushed. “To do with whatever you want.”

“Whatever... “

“You want.” Waverly finished with a smirk.

It was all Nicole needed to hear. She surged forward and claimed Waverly’s lips with her own. She dropped her right hand to Waverly’s leg and lifted it up, hooking it around her waist She pushed her leg into Waverly, and grinned against the shorter girls lips as the moan filled her ears.

Nicole moved her mouth to kiss along Waverly’s jaw, and the brunette tilted her hear slightly. The redhead smiled against the newly exposed flesh. She placed open mouthed kisses on Waverly’s neck, pausing to bite at her pulse point. Waverly hissed and ground down onto Nicole’s leg.

Nicole growled against Waverly’s neck. She bent slightly, grabbing her other leg and lifting her up. Waverly wrapped her legs around Nicole, locking them at the redheads back, pulling her closer.

She needed to be kissing her again. Waverly roughly pulled Nicole’s mouth back to her own. Their mouths slid effortlessly together. Waverly slid her tongue into Nicole’s mouth and groaned at the sensation.

“God I’ve missed this.” Nicole whispered against Waverly’s mouth. “I’ve missed you.”

Waverly had missed her too. So much more than she’d wanted to admit. Before coming back to Purgatory, she’d thought that she was capable of living a life without Nicole. She’d convinced herself that she was happy in Chicago. But in that moment with Nicole’s lips on hers, she realised how wrong she was.

She pulled back slightly, resting her forehead against the redheads. “Take me to bed, Nicole.”

“You’re bossy.”

“Unless you do-“ Waverly was cut off by Nicole’s mouth brushing against hers. It was a chaste kiss, but it told Waverly all she needed to know.

Nicole immediately moved her hands to Waverly’s ass, and pushed them off the wall. She turned and headed toward the bedroom.

Waverly lifted her own shirt up and over her head as they moved, throwing it somewhere behind Nicole, before bending forward slightly and kissing Nicole’s lips. 

It was meant to be a quick kiss, but it quickly turned heated and Nicole turned, pressing Waverly against the closest wall with a thud. Waverly groaned into Nicole’s mouth.

“If you keep kissing me like that, I’m going to drop you.” Nicole chuckled.

“Sorry.” Waverly grinned.

“No you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.” Waverly placed a kiss on Nicole’s nose. “But I’ll keep my lips to myself.”

“Only until... “ Nicole nodded her head toward her bedroom.

“Oh, baby, only until then.”

 _Baby_.

Nicole growled low in her throat, pushing them off the wall a second time.

Waverly kept her word and didn’t kiss Nicole as the taller woman walked them to the bedroom. Their eyes remained locked on each other the entire time.

When Nicole felt the edge of the bed hit her knees, she lifted her mouth slightly and captured Waverly’s, to let her know they’d made it to their destination.

Nicole lowered Waverly so she was sitting on the edge of the bed, before standing up straight.

Waverly looked at her, confused.

Her confusion quickly disappeared when she watched Nicole kneel in front of her. The brunette opened her legs so Nicole could move in closer.

Nicole leaned forward and kissed Waverly softly, before pulling back and kissing her jaw. She nipped and kissed along Waverly’s jawline and down her neck to her collarbone. Her hands slowly moved over the brunettes skin, around to the clasp on her bra.

Nicole felt her own breath catch in her throat as she undid the clasp in one quick motion. Her eyes were closed, but if her memories did Waverly any justice at all, Nicole wasn’t prepared for the sight she was about to see.

She pulled away slightly, her eyes still closed. She breathed in deep and slow as she opened them.

Waverly was staring back at her, her eyes darkened with desire and arousal. Nicole held her gaze for a long moment.

Waverly moved her hand to grab Nicole’s, before sliding it across her stomach and up to cup her breast. Both women moaned at the touch.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Nicole moved, as if she was going to kiss Waverly, and the brunette leaned in to the moment, only to be left disappointed when Nicole ducked her head to kiss above her left breast.

“Hey, that’s not-“ Waverly forgot her words as Nicole took her left nipple into her mouth. “Fuck.”

Her head rolled back and she arched into Nicole’s mouth. She moaned, louder, when Nicole bit down gently on her nipple.

Nicole kissed her nipple softly, before placing tiny kisses in a line across her chest to her other breath. She gave just as much attention to her right breast, and smiled against Waverly’s flesh as she brunette moaned again.

She moved her hands to the button on Waverly’s jeans. She didn’t break contact with her mouth as she popped the button free and slid the zip down.

Nicole pulled back slightly, and looked up at Waverly as her hands moved to the band of her jeans. She surged herself up and claimed Waverly’s mouth.

Waverly lifted her hips and Nicole removed her jeans and underwear at the same time, tossing them somewhere behind them. At the same time, Waverly pulled at Nicole’s jeans until they were around her knees. Without breaking the kiss, Nicole used her long legs to push her jeans off the rest of the way.

Nicole pushed back, slowly lowering Waverly onto the bed. She slipped a thigh in between Waverly’s and groaned as she felt the woman’s arousal coat her skin.

Nicole buried her face in Waverly’s neck. “Fuck.”

“It’s all for you, baby.”

_It’s all for you, baby._

The words echoed in Nicole’s head as she felt Waverly drag her fingers down her back. She groaned, kissing Waverly hard.

She’d planned on taking her time. She’d wanted to explore and relearn every inch of the beautiful woman beneath her. But feeling Waverly’s arousal on her skin was too much. She adjusted her weight and slipped a hand between their bodies.

Nicole cupped Waverly. She bit her bottom lip to stifle her moan. The heat radiating from Waverly’s centre was intoxicating and Nicole could feel her own arousal growing.

She lifted her head and looked at Waverly. She didn’t close her eyes as she connected their lips. And her eyes remained fixed on the brunettes as she slowly slid her middle finger through Waverly’s folds. She moved her finger agonisingly slow up and over Waverly’s clit.

Waverly bucked her hips against her hand, and Nicole chuckled low in her throat.

“Please, Nicole.” Waverly’s voice came out as a strangled moan. “Don’t tease.”

“No?" Teasing was no longer part of her plan, but she wasn’t ready to give in either, not yet. Not until –

“Fuck me, Nicole.”

And Nicole obeyed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That happened. I was legit just going to write *insert smut here* and post it like that. But uh... This happened. Some fluff and smut. Maybe more to come?


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, what is this? An update? Well, I'll be...
> 
> Im sorry that I confused y'all on chapter 9 with my apologies. It was mostly because it's been a long time since I've written anything smut related and I was nervous haha. Even more nervous for this chapter. 
> 
> I was actually tempted to just post "insert smut here"... But, I'm OK with how this has unfolded.

** Chapter Ten **

  
“Fuck me, Nicole.”

Waverly arched her back as Nicole kissed her inner thigh, her hands were balled up in the sheets at her sides. The redheads mouth was so close, so painfully close to where Waverly needed her, and the throbbing between her legs was becoming unbearable.

Nicole had one of her arms hooked around Waverly’s leg, keeping her close and as still as possible, as she kissed along the flesh. She brushed her fingertips of her free hand over the inside of her other thigh. She could feel Waverly’s legs trembling and it made her smile.

“Nicole, just-“ Waverly’s words failed her and her eyes rolled into her head when Nicole placed a soft kiss to her clit.

A moan escaped from deep inside Nicole as she finally tasted Waverly, her tongue sliding through her wetness. She tasted like hot-sweet-sticky-kinda-salty candy and Nicole was sure she’d never tire of it, or taste anything better.

She slowly slid a finger inside Waverly, making small slow circles with her tongue on her clit.

“Fuck.”

Waverly let go of the sheets, and tangled her fingers into Nicole’s hair, opening her legs wider.  
How had she survived for so long with Nicole’s mouth on her? Without Nicole.

“More, baby.”

Nicole stilled her finger, just the tip still inside Waverly, and looked up at her. She lined up a second finger and when Waverly’s eyes met hers, she pushed both fingers inside and Waverly’s vision blurred.

“Fuck...” Her head dropped back into the pillow and her back came up off the mattress. “...me...”

Nicole curled her fingers, finding that perfect spot inside Waverly because even though four years had gone by, even though there had been Rosita, her fingers had never forgotten the exact spots that drove Waverly crazy. She’d never forgotten the way Waverly felt.

Waverly’s hips and Nicole’s fingers moved in such perfect harmony that it was almost as if they were one. Nicole’s fingers slid in deep, right to her knuckles, filling Waverly completely, so that she couldn’t see where she ended and the brunette began.

“So...close...” Waverly choked out between moans.

“Oh, I know, baby.” Nicole grinned up at her, Waverly’s hands tightening in her hair so she couldn’t move her head too far away. “I can feel you.”

Then Nicole’s mouth was back on her. She sucked Waverly’s clit into her mouth and the brunettes back arched high off the bed, a deep guttural moan falling from her lips.

Nicole could feel Waverly’s muscles tighten around her fingers. “Come for me, baby”

Waverly slammed her eyes shut, digging her fingers into Nicole’s scalp. Her entire body felt like it was on fire, and she could feel her thighs trembling, as the redhead pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

“Look at me, baby.”

Waverly felt like her head was too heavy to lift, everything was suddenly too much but also not enough.

“ _Waverly_.”

The brunette raised her head slightly, eyes locking with Nicole’s. Hearing Nicole say her name with that husky voice, her fingers moving in and out, was her undoing and suddenly Waverly felt herself falling.

Nicole slowed her fingers, but didn't dare still them. Not yet. She wanted to keep Waverly’s orgasm going for as long as possible. She nipped at the inside of Waverly’s thigh, before smoothing it over with her tongue.

She started to kiss her way up Waverly’s body, but was clearly taking too long because she felt Waverly’s strong hands pull her up until their foreheads were touching, their lips brushing together softly.

“That was...” Waverly breathed against her lips.

“I know.” Nicole slowly started to withdraw her fingers.

“Not yet.” Waverly said, closing her legs and effectively trapping Nicole’s hand.

“No?” Nicole grinned, curling her fingers inside Waverly.

“Fuck.” Waverly kissed Nicole then, hard, and groaned at the taste of herself on the redheads lips. “I taste good on you.”

Waverly kissed the redhead again, her legs falling apart as Nicole started to move her hand. Still sensitive from her first orgasm, Waverly came undone quickly, moaning into Nicole’s mouth.

She opened her eyes, watching as Nicole moved her fingers to her own mouth, tasting her.

“Mmmm, you do taste good on me.” Nicole grinned, and it ignited a fire deep within Waverly.

Waverly pushed back on Nicole’s shoulders, and the redhead suddenly found herself with her back against the mattress. She grinned up at the brunette. This grin wasn’t mischievous or cheeky. It was soft and loving, and for a moment Waverly was sure she was going to melt into a puddle. She’d missed Nicole looking at her this way.

Waverly knew she was to blame for everything that had happened. And while she knew Nicole agreed to try again, while she could feel Nicole beneath her fingers, their bodies pressed together, she couldn’t help but feel angry at herself for everything she’d missed.

“What is it, baby?” Nicole whispered, sensing a change in Waverly.

“I love you, Nicole.”

Nicole hooked one arm around Waverly’s lower back, pulling her closer, and moved her other hand to the brunettes cheek. She lifted her head slightly and kissed Waverly softly.

Nicole tried to put everything she could into this one kiss. She needed Waverly to understand that although they still had a way to go, she would be by her side for as long as the brunette wanted her to be. She needed Waverly to understand that she forgave her for everything because she was Nicole’s and Nicole was hers and she would forgive everything.

Pulling back slightly, she looked up at Waverly and hoped that her eyes said anything the kiss hadn’t. They’d been through hell and back and she wanted Waverly to know she was forgiven. But Nicole knew Waverly. She knew that it wouldn’t matter how many times she told Waverly that all was forgiven, the brunette would still be feeling guilty. And while she wanted so badly to ease Waverly’s mind, Nicole knew there was nothing she could say to entirely soothe the woman she loved.

“I love you, too.” Nicole whispered, because she did and it was the only thing that really mattered.

Waverly smiled softly, and claimed Nicole’s lips.

  
____________________________________

 

Waverly woke before Nicole.

She pinched her own arm in an attempt to convince herself that she was actually awake and that Nicole was, in fact, really and truly in front of her, but it still felt like a dream.

Nicole was lying on her back, her head turned in Waverly’s direction. The brunette watched the soft rise and fall of her chest. There was a hint of a smile that would appear on Nicole’s lips every so often.

“You’re staring.” Nicole murmured sleepily, rolling onto her side. “It’s creepy.”

“It’s romantic.” Waverly giggled softly.

“Hmmm...” Nicole scrunched up her face, refusing to open her eyes. “It feels too early to be awake. What time is it?”

“A little after six. And it’s only too early because we were...”

“You're blushing.”

“You’re not even looking at me, you can’t prove it.” Nicole opened her eyes then and grinned.

Waverly pushed Nicole’s hand away as the redhead tried to poke her cheek. Nicole grabbed her arm and pulled her close, the brunette squealed but went willingly.

“I know you. I don’t need to be looking at you to know when you’re blushing. Or smiling. Or looking at me like a creepy stalker.”

“Hey! It’s romantic.” Waverly giggled and Nicole felt her heart flutter.

“It’s adorable.” Nicole placed a soft kiss to Waverly’s forehead. “I know you, Waverly Earp. I know you with my mind and my body and my heart and soul.”

“Oh” Waverly felt her eyes well up. “Oh, Nicole.”

“And there is no try this time. I’m not going to let you go again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Nicole wrapped her arms tightly around Waverly’s waist and joined their lips in a kiss that was full of every promise, even those not yet spoken.

“Um,” Waverly pulled back slightly. “You do have to let me go though.”

“Oh I do?”

“I need to go back to Chicago, Nicole. I had a...a life there and I need to-“

“It’s ok, Waves. I get it.” Nicole couldn’t hide the disappointment on her face.

“Baby, what is it?” Waverly cupped Nicole’s cheek.

“I just...” Nicole turned into the touch. “What if you go back to Chicago and realise that it’s what you really want? That your life there is what you really want? And not-“

“And not you?” Waverly sighed.

Nicole nodded softly. “You were gone for four years, Waves.”

“Nicole.” Waverly started, pushing herself up so she was sitting.

“You had this whole life there and what if you-“

“Nicole.” She tried again.

“I just don’t think I could go through losing you again.”

“Nicole!” Waverly said, louder, straddling the redhead and covering her mouth with her hand. “Now you listen to me, Nicole Haught. I need to go back to Chicago to pack my things and bring them back here so I can be with you. That’s all. God, I’ve fought so hard to get back to you, without even knowing I was doing it because it always comes back to you, Nicole. Back to us.”

Nicole gently squeezed Waverly’s hips to let her know she understood. Her eyes softened and she breathed in deep, the scent of their night together filling her nostrils. She was suddenly very aware that both her and Waverly were very naked and all her doubts and fears were pushed aside.

“Now, I’m going to- Did you just lick me?” Nicole’s eyes twinkled and she grinned against Waverly’s hand. 

“Baby.” Nicole voice was slightly muffled under Waverly's hand. 

“I can’t believe you just-“ Nicole pushed her hips up into Waverly’s.

Nicole could pinpoint the exact moment when Waverly realised that they were still naked. Nicole slowly ran her hands over Waverly’s hips and started down her thighs.

Waverly pulled her hand away from Nicole’s mouth and replaced it with her lips. The kiss was hard and hot and hungry and it made Nicole groan.

“I have... to... work so...soon, baby.” Nicole managed to say between kisses.

“Soon? But not now?” Waverly said, pushing herself up slightly.

Nicole grinned mischievously, and flipped their positions. She slipped between Waverly legs, and groaned when the brunette locked her legs together behind Nicole’s back, pulling them closer.

“No, now I have some more important things to take care of.”

 

___________________________________

 

Two hours later Nicole finally walked into the station.

She dropped a box with donut in it and Wynonna car keys on her partners desk, before making her way to her chair.

“I take it the donut is payment for covering for you because,” Wynonna lifted her head up from the stack of papers in front of her. “You’re late.”

“I think me covering for you all the times I have is payment enough, Wynonna.” Nicole said calmly. “The donut was because I stole your car.”

“My...” As Wynonna picked up her keys, something clicked inside her head and her eyes went wide. “Waverly!!”

There were two ways this could go. Nicole could tell Wynonna that her and Waverly were on their way to happily ever after, or Nicole could pretend to be oblivious and get Wynonna back for spying on her.

“What about Waverly?”

“Did she... I mean did you two...”

“Spit it out, Wynonna. I have stuff to do.” Nicole shifted in her seat. She wasn’t sure how long she could pretend.

“What happened?” she asked with a mouthful of donut.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Nicole looked down at her desk.

“Oh my God, she didn’t come up the stairs did she? She didn’t come to see you?” Wynonna pushed her chair out, slammed her hands on her desk and stood up.

“Wynonna.”

“Where is she? I’m going to kill her!”

“Wynonna.”

“No, Nicole, I can’t believe she-“

“Wynonna!”

“What?” 

“Sit down!” Wynonna rolled her eyes as she sat down.

“Of course you want to protect her still. You’re too good for-“

“You need to stop before you finish that sentence and say something you don’t mean and you’ll regret.” Nicole warned. “I told you to sit down because Waverly did come to my place last night.”

“And?” Wynonna asked after what felt like an eternity.

“And...” Nicole sighed. “She’s still there.”

A grin spread across Nicole’s face, it widened the longer Wynonna glared at her.

“What do mean she’s still there?”

Nicole explained what had happened – for the most part. Wynonna was still very much Waverly’s big sister and Nicole didn’t see the point, or feel the need to divulge every detail of her night with Waverly. She figured Wynonna was a good cop, she’d work it out on her own.

“And that’s about it.” Nicole grinned again.

“This wasn’t funny, Haught.”

“It was hilarious.” Nicole chuckled.” And it was payback for spying on me.”

“Spying? Oh. Right. I really did find you in that bar by accident the first time. When I heard that song, I... I knew you need to uh, move on in your own way, but I just needed to make sure you were OK.”

“Thanks, Wynonna.”

The brunette watched as her partner worked on some paperwork that was in front of her. Her features were soft today, and there was a small smile on her lips that just didn’t seem to want to fade. For the first time in a long time, Wynonna really felt like Nicole was ok.

  
_______________________________

 

Waverly was sitting on the couch reading when Wynonna returned to the homestead at the end of the day.

“So, got something to tell me?” Wynonna said with a smirk.

“You’re Nicole’s partner, Wynonna, I know she would’ve told you.” Waverly replied, not looking up from her book

“Yes, but as my sister, do you have something to tell me?”

“Nope.” Waverly turned the page.

“Oh come on!” Wynonna whined. “What’s the point in having a sister if she doesn’t tell you stuff?”

“OK, Wynonna.” Waverly sighed and closed her book. She’d lost where she was up to anyway. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything!” Clapping her hands triumphantly, Wynonna say on the couch.

“She yelled. We talked. We kissed and made up.” Waverly grinned. “A lot.”

“OK, gross.”

“Like a lot. It was like magic, Wynonna. Our bodies remembered each other. She made me c-“

“Stop!” Wynonna slapped Waverly’s leg. “Maybe I didn’t mean everything.”

Waverly was relieved that Wynonna had stopped her. Even with all she had experienced with Nicole, Waverly still didn’t feel entirely comfortable talking about it. She had told Wynonna about almost everything her and Champ had done, and it was never an issue. But Nicole was different.

Nicole was like coming for air when Waverly had been struggling her entire life to breathe. Nicole made Waverly feel safe and loved and scared and excited. Waverly saw a world of infinite possibilities when she was with Nicole. To think that anyone else, anywhere else would offer Waverly the same was ridiculous.

“I’m sorry.” Waverly grinned. “I fixed it, Wynonna.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, there’s still a ways to go, but all is right with the world again.”

Wynonna smiled sweetly at her sister. “You know I have to do the speech right?”

“You were with her all day, Wynonna. Why didn’t you do it today?”

“The speech isn’t for her, baby girl.” Wynonna said and Waverly sighed, because of course the speech was for Waverly. “Don’t you hurt her again.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it, baby girl. You’re my sister and I love you. But she’s my best friend and I love her too. And I can’t watch her go through all that again.”

“I know. And I think she’s worried about it as well. Which I understand. But I won’t hurt her. Never again, Wynonna. I need to go back to Chicago tomorrow to pack my stuff and then that’s it. I’m here, with her. Always.”

“Good. You make sure she knows that.”

“I’ll never stop showing her.” Waverly smiled softly. “In fact, I’m going to ask her to come with me and show her she has nothing to worry about.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excited for road tripping WayHaught? Because of course Nicole will say yes. I wonder what they'll find in Chicago.


End file.
